By Melissa Fossum
By Lauren Wise
By New Times
By Amanda Savage
By Jason P. Woodbury
By Troy Farah
By New Times
1. I'm sick in the head and I haven't been to bed
Since first I came ashore with me slumber
For I spent all me dough on the lassies movin' slow . . .
a. And in me pants is some lumber.
b. Now give me some ale in a tumbler.
c. Far across the Western Ocean I must wander.
d. Down all the streets, I'm a bumbler.
2. Let the wind blow high and the wind blow low
Through the streets in my kilt I go
All the lassies cry, "Hello!
Donald, where's your . . .
3. Too ra loo ra loo, too ra loo ra lay,
too ra loo ra loo, too ra loo ra lay
Upon his knee a pretty wench . . .
a. La-roo lee-loo o-la-di-day.
b. Come on, Eileen.
c. He's kind of drunk and wants some lunch.
d. And on the table a jug of punch.
4. I wrote my love letters in rosy red lines,
She sent me an answer all twisted and twined;
Saying, "Keep your love letters and I will keep mine . . .
a. Love, schmove, now let's have some wine."
b. Just you write to your love and I'll write to mine."
c. I'll IM you later when I go online."
d. But I just realized I prefer chicks."
5. Black is the colour of my true love's hair
Her lips are like some roses fair
She's the sweetest face and the gentlest hands . . .
a. With which to pound some black and tans.
b. I love the ground whereon she stands.
c. So why the Adam's apple, just like a man's?
d. I wish our families weren't rival clans.
1. c ("All for Me Grog")
2. c ("Donald, Where's Your Trousers?)
3. d ("Jug of Punch")
4. b ("Green Grow the Lilacs")
5. b ("Black Is the Colour")