Biltmore Vegas

The Kelis of the PHX and her 300-pound Nas the Nasty hit the swank, new club IO

Anyway, back to Friday night and nasty Natalie next to me, who's now conversatin' with someone on her celly. I'm so close to her, I can't help but overhear it when she asks the other party, "So, does he want outcall or incall?"

Cool, a hot prostitoddy. Perhaps I could avail myself of her services. But before I can tap her shoulder and inquire about rates, the Jettster shows up, stepping between me and pay dirt, or saving me a coupla C-notes, depending on how you look at it.

"Kreme, I just saw Amaré Stoudemire!" cries the J-Unit, grabbing my arm. "He's over at the other end of the bar."

Yup, Big Stat's just down from us, using a crutch for support, with a lackey-bodyguard to either side of him. On his head is what looks like a red knit, Jamaican-style pageboy cap. Generally, he seems a little too dressed down for IO. But such are the prerogatives of stardom, I reckon.

"Didya get his pic?" I ask.

"I tried," sighs the Jettster, "but his bodyguard or whatever wouldn't let me snap a photo. I think they know who we are."

"Can't say I blame him," I shrug, taking a hit off my barrelful of Crown 'n' Coke. "I mean, New Times wrote about Stat's mom's crack-ho past and drunk-driving present not too long ago."

"But his mom really was a crack ho, right?" replies the Jettster.

"Just 'cause it's the truth doesn't mean it don't hurt," I say, wiping a mock tear. "And here it is, close to Mother's Day."

"Hey, isn't that JX3 over there talking to the lady with big hoo-has?" Jett points, like an Irish setter after a game bird. True enough, nearby there's our ol' pal, Power 92.3's JX3, now known as the "President of the Afternoon," since his switch from the evening hours to drive time. As soon as the Prez is available, we buttonhole the affable on-air personality for a brief confabulation.

"The President's in the building, baby!" I say as I greet JX3. "Should've known we might see you here, what with UrbanAz.com promoting Friday nights, and you being tight with them. How's the time-slot change worked out?"

"It's been a really cool transition, a lot of fun," he tells us. "I started doing afternoons in mid-December. It was something I was trying to get ready to do. So hopefully the Valley is receiving it."

"I like that road rage segment you have," mentions Jett.

"That's the 5:30 Road Rage," he informs us. "Gives you a chance to call in and express your anger, if you got some issues out there during the rush hour. You can call in and get it off your chest instead of putting your hands on somebody."

"That's no joke," I state. "People on the freeway are ready to kill if you cut 'em off."

"Oh, yeah, I've had people call in who've had guns in their hands, ready to shoot up people's cars," he relates. "It's crazy, but makes for good radio."

We kick it for a sec, discussing J's new single, "Let's Get It Poppin," which Power has been playing, and a song called "Tenderoni," which he recently cut with MC Magic. Says he's still working on the full-length CD, but has been sidetracked by all of the other projects he's got goin' on.

Speaking of which, two wanna-be projects of the female persuasion approach J and start chatting him up. So we leave him to his playerism, and scoot over to the dance floor, where we run into these ebony dime-pieces Monique and Lenee, both dressed in white, Lenee with her hair up in an almost punk rock 'do.

"You ladies seein' any cuties here tonight?" wonders the Jettster.

"A few," says Monique, smiling. "But they have to come to us."

"And what would they have to say to earn your attention?" I ask.

"I don't even know," laughs Monique. "They'd have to be very creative, that's for sure."

"Has anything ever worked before?" quizzes P-town's bi-lovin' Michelle Rodriguez.

"No," she admits. "Guess I'm kinda hard to get."

"That's right, make 'em work for it, girl," the Jettster encourages them, rather uncharacteristically, I might add.

Landreville reappears, having quelled whatever was going down up front. We take the opportunity to ask him why the place is named IO.

"She was the love interest of Zeus in Greek mythology," he edumah-cates us. "We liked it because it was short, easy to pronounce and a little mysterious."

"Gee, and I thought it was from the song," states Jett, as we saunter back to the bar for last call.

"Song?" I know I'm gonna regret this.

"Oh, you know," and then she sings, "'Old MacDonald had a farm . . . ee-i, ee-i, oh! And on his farm he had a pig named Kreme . . . ee-I, ee-I, oh!'"

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