No Trespassing

The feathered fiend examines the guv's (cough!) brass balls, conspicuous consumption in Scottsdale and the L. Ron Hubbard House in Phoenix

A A A Comments By Robrt L. Pela Thursday, May 4 2006

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"You'll step right into the same living room where he met with students and demonstrated the newly developed E-Meter," the house's official Web site (www.lronhubbard.org/houses/phoenix/) excitedly promises. "There is even the upright piano where he sat and researched the wavelength of theta!"

Once inside this slump-block palace, one can see the actual desk ("complete with his Dictaphone, pens and ink bottles!") where the king of weird actually penned his five gotta-read-them-to-believe-them volumes on Dianetics, as well as innumerable articles about his "applied religious philosophy," a form of psychotherapy that asks its devotees to confront negative experiences from the past in order to achieve mental health.

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Scientology spokeswoman Monica Sanz Polo swears that the L. Ron House isn't here to recruit more whacked-out weirdoes into the late Hubbard's sci-fi cult. "It's for parishioners," Sanz Polo swore. "It's there so that people can bring family members to see what we're doing in Scientology, and to see where it began."

"I would think the house wouldn't be interesting to people who don't know Scientology," Hubbard House flack Marylyse Brock added.

The Bird sees what she means. Promotional materials for the house promise, "You can truly walk in Ron's footsteps and see where he forged the path to spiritual freedom for all mankind." Visitors get to see artifacts like L. Ron's very own camera; his typewriter; and something described as "the first LRH bustsculpted by a student."

The Bird wanted to know what the city's official take on this snoozy tract home was, but when it couldn't find Herr Hubbard's home on the City Historic Registry, it consulted Brock.

"Oh, it's not considered a landmark by the City of Phoenix," Brock told this prying pigeon. "It's considered a landmark because L. Ron Hubbard was so important. A lot of people come here from California to see [the house]."

Yikes! The hell with securing the Mexico/Arizona border against illegal aliens! Quick, somebody secure the California/Arizona border to keep any more SoCal Scientology wack-jobs from getting in!

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