By Monica Alonzo
By Stephen Lemons
By Jason P. Woodbury
By Dulce Paloma Baltazar Pedraza
By Ray Stern
By Pete Kotz
By Monica Alonzo
By New Times
You Got Served
Actually, the Wrigley wasn't amused: Wow! That was some funny stuff you published about Chef Kaz Yamamoto ("Xtreme Cuisine," Stephen Lemons, May 11). You had me going for a while, but lines like, "Mr. Brad Pitt, he lick plate clean," about Mayor Phil Gordon and Marlon Brando moaning and spitting out gristles of human flesh, about PETA members being "how you say, retards," were simply side-splittingly funny.
I love the Wrigley Mansion, and I plan to book a large party there because that place has such a great sense of humor. In fact, I've got new respect for Gordon, Senator Jon Kyl, anchorwoman Lin Sue Cooney, ASU president Michael Crow and Phoenix Suns CEO Jerry Colangelo for being able to laugh at themselves. At least I think they're laughing.
In addition to being a righteous punk that would make Ashton Kutcher proud, this satire made such great points: Not only did it lampoon the "extreme cuisine" movement that's featured in many major publications these days, but it also landed a body blow to extremist animal-rights morons, who care far more about their Bichon Frise puppies than they do about human babies.
Let me go out on a limb here and predict that you got hundreds, if not thousands, of protests from outraged dimwits in the animal-rights movement about the dog featured in the top of the satire and next to nothing about any of the other endangered species. I'm sure Gordon and Kyl will gain many supporters locally for their penchant for juicy leg of Mexican.
Samuel Arroyo, Phoenix
Ton of publicity for Wrigley: I just picked up New Times after seeing people from the Wrigley Mansion on TV protesting how you said they, ha, cook dog. Then, when I read the story, I see you didn't say they cooked dog, but that your funny-as-hell chef cooked it and served it there. I've rented space in the mansion, and I can tell you that pretty much anything can go on there. Anything! There seem to be only a few people working in the place at night, and you pretty much have the run of the place, so I doubt they'd know what was being brought in.
Look, I know this was parody, that this event didn't really happen. If you read very far into the article, you'd have to be an idiot not to know that it's a piece of comedy. I loved it. I was laughing so hard that I thought I was going to get caught surfing the 'net at work.
As for the Wrigley, it got a ton of publicity from your satire, so what are its managers complaining about? That place is barely on the map; it should be grateful that you honored it by making it the opening scene of "Xtreme Cuisine." It will get business from hip people because of this.
When I saw the picture on the cover (I didn't notice the baby seal head at first) and then read that an event was taking place at the Wrigley, I thought, "Great, that place is so cool. Maybe they have gotten a better chef at their restaurant." But once I read that Chef Kaz was serving Bichon Frise, the jig was up. I realized New Times was playing an elaborate practical joke on us. Bravo!
Todd Glassman, Tucson
Detest of time: I detest you. I detest your Chef Kaz. I am a really hip, cool nurse who was tear-gassed at the Pentagon in '70, was the "old lady" of the most exciting rock 'n' roll drummer ever (according to Bill Graham). Jim Morrison bought me my first drink. I got cred!
I totally detest your offhanded "aren't we so hip and cool that we can gross people out by eating affable, dear creatures others love like family." I try to ease people's suffering. My rock drummer died of an overdose. All I have for balm to my wounded heart and spirit is my sweet 16-year-old Bichon.
I totally hate you and that chef and that woman in the slinky dress and all you distorted lame excuses for "higher beings." You have no compassion. Someday I hope you understand. I hope it's soon.
Bonnie Margolis, via the Internet
Shocked, not awed: I am shocked that you would write an article like this. You make the entire thing sound romantic. You are talking about dog meat, for God's sake!
We are not some savages who have nothing else to eat except the domesticated dog. I will be sending this to all my family and friends and urging them to drop their subscriptions to New Times because of this. I am sickened and disgusted at how this chef thinks he's above our laws, and that you would find dog meat to be such a "divine delicacy."
Brandy Reid, via the Internet
A bunch of misfit freaks: I haven't laughed so hard in years over something I've read. I saw a piece on TV about the Wrigley Mansion getting threatened because of this "Xtreme Cuisine" parody. Dude, you'd have to be a moron to believe this brilliant piece of comedy. (There were tells from the very beginning.)