By Melissa Fossum
By Lauren Wise
By New Times
By Amanda Savage
By Jason P. Woodbury
By Troy Farah
By New Times
Me: Hey, man, how're you doing these days?
Sammy: Higher than high, feelin' just right!
Me: Wow, must be all that tequila. So you're gonna be 60 next year -- how has getting older affected you?
Sammy: I can't drive 55.
Me: Yeah, you better stay outta the left-hand lane, slowpoke.
Sammy: Why don't you drive, baby, here's the key.
Me: Uhh, I'll pass, but thanks. Say, what did you think of your old nemesis, David Lee Roth, getting shitcanned after only a few months of replacing Howard Stern on morning radio?
Sammy: Seems so unreal, this karma wheel.
Me: I hear ya, it's like life just handed that guy a big bowl of brown M&Ms. Anyway, so you have a new album called Livin' It Up . . .
Sammy: Whoo! Yeah! All right! Hey! Yeah!
Me: Okay, okay, calm down! I heard it's more like country jam-rock than hard rock. Between that and your whole Cabo Wabo, boozin'-it-up-in-paradise thing, have you turned into Jimmy Buffett?
Sammy: That's all I ever want it to be, yeah!
Me: Right on. You seem like the kinda fun-lovin' guy who doesn't care what the critics think.
Sammy: To me it's all just mental masturbation.
Me: That's the spirit! One last question -- any chance of another Van Halen reunion?
Sammy: That's what I want, just a whole lotta money!