Answering Your Questions About "Down There"

Whenever I bad-mouth illegal immigration at work, many of my Latina co-workers automatically assume I'm bad-mouthing Mexicans. Why do Mexicans always think that when a gabacho expresses dislike toward illegal immigrants, that they're talking about Mexicans?
Fences Make Good Neighbors

Dear Gabacho,
Where to begin . . . where does Bush want to deploy the National Guard? To the MEXICAN border. What pissed off the Fox News nation a couple of weeks ago? A SPANISH-language version of the national anthem. What was gabachos' biggest complaint during the March marches and student walkouts? All those damn MEXICAN flags. What immigrant group does influential neo-con Harvard historian Samuel Huntington argue will destroy the United States? MEXICANS. Which country do many conservatives accuse of trying to take over the southwestern United States? MEXICO. You can argue that Mexicans warrant the attention since they constitute more than half of all illegal immigrants in los Estados Unidos, Fences, but you gotta ask at some point: Why don't the Lou Dobbses of the world rail against the Guatemalan aliens amongst us or the 25 to 40 percent of illegal immigrants who came here legally but overstayed their visas? Simple: because none of those groups are MEXICAN.

Why do more Mexicans worship Che Guevara than Argentines? I don't think we even give a shit about him.
Maradona Maiden

Dear Gabacha Wab,
You're one to trash Mexicans for revering a long-dead Argentine -- how's Evita's corpse holding up these days? Besides, we suffer from the same condition -- caudillismo, a sociological phenomenon that sees nations fall under the sway of a charismatic individual who promises to deliver power and wealth to the masses, then gets powerful and wealthy as the masses starve and the opposition gets disappeared. Historians love to pin this malady exclusively on Latin America, but gabachos suffer from it as well -- nothing else can explain why George W. Bush is president.

Got a spicy question about Mexicans? Ask the Mexican at garellano@ocweekly.com. And those of you who do submit questions: include a hilarious pseudonym, por favor, or we'll make one up for you!