Kenny Chesney, Carrie Underwood

"Thank you to members of the media for coming today. As press secretary for country-pop superstars Kenny Chesney and Carrie Underwood, I'd like to clear up two points of confusion before taking questions regarding the pair's U.S. summer tour. First: In seeking to annul her four-month marriage to Chesney last year, Renée Zellweger cited fraud as the reason for their split not because she found out he was gay, as was alleged in the tabloids, but because she discovered he'd been impersonating Jimmy Buffett and John Mellencamp on his recent albums. Second: It is a fact that Carrie Underwood was the legitimate and deserving winner of last year's American Idol competition, despite whispers of voting irregularities and a Fox News report that claimed she edged runner-up Bo Bice by a mere 134 votes. We'd like to reiterate that Mr. Bice decided not to contest the Idol results 'for the sake of our unity as a people and the strength of our democracy,' and fully supports the idea of Ms. Underwood as the new Faith Hill. Now, are there any questions? Yes, Helen?"

Is it true that without the sensationalism of celebrity marriages and hit reality TV shows, the American public will discover that the music of Kenny Chesney and Carrie Underwood is at best mildly pleasant, and perhaps even somewhat bland or generic?

"Next question . . ."