Pussy Posse

Signs of the times: The feathered fiend asks the sheriff if he's ever eaten a pink taco and invades the mind of a Grassfire.org bigot

Grimacing, he grumbled: "I work 15 hours a day. I think I can spend an hour here!"

The Bird suggested the sheriff was making his office a laughingstock (so what else is new?) by showing up at an event like this, and standing in front of a sign that says, heh, Pink Taco.

"You know, the pink underwear could have been a laughingstock," he spat, a giant gob of saliva flying toward this feathered fiend. "But everyone loves the pink underwear! Even presidents have the pink underwear, okay?! Maybe they'll all come down here and eat some pink tacos!"

President Bush eating a pink taco? Hmmm. There's another bearded clam joke in there somewhere, but all The Bird could think of to chirp was: "It would certainly be familiar turf for Bill Clinton, and (from what the tabloids once said) maybe even for future President Hillary."

NO HUEVOS

This fearless eagle was soaring over the west side when it spied, near 59th Avenue and Glendale, a red-white-and-blue billboard that read: "Stop the Invasion: Secure Our Borders — Grassfire.org." Invasion? Could it be that foreign troops had massed at the boundaries of this great nation and were — unbeknownst to this feathered symbol of freedom — engaging in an armed incursion? You know, like when Germany invaded Poland in 1939, or when the United States invaded Iraq in 2003?

Alarmed, this patriotic bird of prey sped home to hop on the computer, look up this Grassfire.org, and learn just where this invasion was occurring, so it could aid in the defense of our beleaguered homeland. But to this caustic canary's chagrin, it discovered that Grassfire.org was just another one of these howlin'-at-the-moon wing-nut organizations that supports everything from censorship of the Internet and outlawing abortion to abolishing the income tax and passing gay-bashing constitutional amendments. A real political gadfly, Grassfire began back in 2000, and has gone from aiding Dubya's 2004 reelection to opposing the nomination of Harriet Myers to the Supreme Court to now pushing the most extreme and unrealistic response to the issue of illegal immigration.

Grassfire wants to round up all of the undocumented workers in the U.S. and deport them, militarize the border to stop the flow of migrants, refuse citizenship to those children born in the U.S. to illegals, and so on. To spread its message and raise cash for the cause, Grassfire has purchased billboard space in several states, from West Virginia to California, all with the same anti-immigrant message. The Glendale billboard is the first in Arizona, but Grassfire is planning to erect more.

Now, The Bird doesn't give a javelina's patootie if Grassfire wants to put up billboards, though it does find it interesting that for its first AZ billboard, Grassfire chose Glendale instead of, say, 16th Street and Thomas Road. Kind of reminds this plumed pundit of the 1960s South, where the Ku Klux Klan would march through the white part of town, instead of where most African-Americans lived. Deep down, all bigots are cowards, afraid of anyone who doesn't look exactly like their sorry white-trash asses. And as The Bird soon discovered, the Grassfire bigots ain't much different from the crackers in the Klan.

What this taloned scribe finds absurd is Grassfire's use of the word "invasion," which's not only dead wrong, but freakin' inflammatory. It's a term that's come into vogue with tireless immigrant-bashers such as CNN's Lou Dobbs, who actually like to imagine that we are at war with the impoverished masses risking their lives to enter this country for better wages and a better life for their kids.

Why, just the other day, The Bird was watching White House press secretary Tony Snow swat away a query from a right-wing correspondent who wondered why, oh, why, President Bush — as commander in chief — didn't act to repel this "invasion" along America's southern border.

Snow, himself no lefty, having worked as a talking head for FOX News, noted that the reporter was using a militaristic term to describe a situation that's not militaristic. Then Snow pointed out the obvious: The U.S. is not at war with Mexico. "The president has made it very clear that Mexico is not the enemy," he stated.

The Bird wanted to challenge Grassfire on its use of the word "invasion," so it rang up Grassfire president Steve Elliott. The confab was civil, up until The Bird asked Elliott about the phrasing on his billboards.

"We think the term very accurately represents what is happening in our country right now," asserted Elliott, becoming more and more agitated as he spoke. "When you talk about one and a half million people coming illegally every year to this country, when it's very clear you have people from other countries who are not associating themselves with this country, sending money back to their own countries, waving their own flags, speaking their own languages, it definitely characterizes it as an invasion."

So The Bird picked up its closest copy of Webster's, and read the definition to Elliott: "An act or instance of invading or entering as an enemy, especially by an army."

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