The HorrorPops

No doubt about it, The HorrorPops are headed for Hades. Not because the fearsome foursome of Holland-born hipster hellcats committed any mass murders (that we know of), but simply because we're certain they've somehow sold their souls to Satan. How else would you explain the devilish fervor in which punky princess front woman/bassist Patricia Day and her crew enrapture their audiences with wicked songs like "Misstake" and "Freaks in Uniform"? It's downright demonic how their seductively sour siren songs have transformed many an innocent emo kid into Bettie Page clones or pomade-slicked greasers covered with tats. We suspect that the dark lord himself penned such HorrorPops classics as "Walk Like a Zombie" and "Psychobitches Outta Hell," or urged the band to bring along Suicide Girl-style go-go dancers at every show, in order to lure away impressionable youths from listening to such nice young men as James Blunt and John Mayer. But hey, Alice Cooper eventually turned to Christ, so maybe we can one day wrest our kids away from Beelzebub's kung-fu grip just in time for the Rapture.