Loose Screws

The patriotic pigeon uses the bleedin’ facts to peck holes in the rantings of 9/11 conspiracy wacktivists!

Knudson calls the Pentagon crash "a side issue, a diversion." For him, it's all about the World Trade Center. But Loose Change claims the holes in the Pentagon walls were not big enough for a Boeing 757, and there was nothing left afterward of the plane itself.

"Why is there absolutely no trace of Flight 77?" wonders filmmaker Dylan Avery in the movie's voice-over.

Holy Pinocchio, Batman! Hundreds of eyewitnesses spotted the plane as it approached the Pentagon, and scores identified it as an American Airlines craft. Parts of the plane were left after impact, as well as partial remains of the victims. "All but five of the 189 people who died on the aircraft and in the Pentagon were later identified through DNA testing," states the PM tome.

Perhaps Loose Change's pinheaded producers would care to run their fingers through the gore — that is, exhume what little's left of the corpses?

As for the holes in the exterior and interior walls, neither of which exactly match the 757's 124-foot wingspan, a Purdue University simulation using IBM supercomputers showed that when the plane hit the Pentagon's dense, reinforced concrete structure at 531 miles per hour, it melted into the side of the building "in a state closer to a liquid than a solid mass."

Hello, conspiracy wing nuts, so there would have been no cartoon-punch shape of a plane in the Pentagon's wall!

For every paranoid wet dream, there's an explanation. Yes, cell phones worked on airplanes before 9/11. No, none of the 19 hijackers is still alive. And on and on. Why, Knudson even told this incredulous ibis that he doesn't believe al-Qaeda even exists! Maybe we should drop the guy in the mountains of the Afghani-Pakistani border and have the towel-heads introduce his infidel ass to some old-fashioned Islamo-fascism.

Why do the Loose Change loonies thrive? Because, let's face it, Duh-bya & Co. have repeatedly lied to the American people, exploiting 9/11 for political benefit and leading us into the Iraqi quagmire. For these sins, the Bushies deserve to be hung up by their heels à la Benito Mussolini. But like the Good Book says: "Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." Constructing conspiracy castles in the sky only makes the architects look like the kooks they are.

Meth Mouths

Are AZ Attorney General Terry Goddard and the Maricopa County Board of Supervisors sucking the glass dick?

This feathered fiend figures they must be tokin' on a meth pipe or the good ganja after hearing that Goddard and the Supes are attempting to import the Montana Meth Project to the Zona even after New Times scribe Sarah Fenske revealed that this proposed $6 million anti-meth ad campaign is a complete effin' failure in its state of origin ("Meth Madness," April 27, 2006).

You heard The Bird: It's a loser, a boondoggle, a way for politicians to pat themselves on the back while millions of your tax dollars flow down the drain.

Launched last fall, the ad campaign features slickly made TV spots showing teens with bad teeth and scabby skin turning to prostitution and thievery to support their crank habits. The over-the-top Reefer Madness-type message is that if you smoke ice "just once," you'll end up strung out and looking like you stepped out of the latest Rob Zombie flick.

This "Just Say No" bull-hockey didn't work in Nancy Reagan's day, and it doesn't work now. As Fenske detailed in her story, research shows that Montana teens associate less risk with meth after seeing the ads. Worse, their meth use didn't drop after a year of getting bombarded by the campaign. It actually increased!

That's right, the anti-meth spots achieve the opposite of their desired effect.

But when Tom "Wrong Way" Siebel, the software billionaire behind the ads, visited Arizona in June to pimp his project to pols, he blithely boasted that only one negative story had been run about his MMP — and that it had since been retracted.

Wishful thinking, Tommy-boy. There's no need to retract a story when it's correct, dillweed.

True, until recently, Siebel's Folly had garnered blowjobs aplenty from other media outlets, with Fenske's piece standing alone. But the worm turned August 3, when the Missoula Independent published its own lengthy report echoing Fenske's findings. Even Utah, once keen on the project, appears to be backing away from the flawed campaign.

This peeved pelican can hardly believe it, but Goddard and MC Supervisor Don Stapley are still trying to drum up support for the crappy commercials, hoping to raise the $6 mil through taxes and private donations.

Initially, they thought they could shake down the Arizona Legislature. But instead of providing cash to bring the Montana scam here, lawmakers passed an $8 million anti-meth bill, granting AZ counties $3 million to spend on anti-meth projects of their choosing.

Seems the ass-backward results in Montana — and the project leaders' attitudes — killed Goddard and Stapley's chances for full legislative funding.

"I got the sense they thought everything was perfect, that they hadn't studied their own results," said state Senator John Huppenthal, R-Chandler. "Nobody ended up comfortable with Montana Meth."

The ostrich-like Maricopa County Supes, however, continue to bury their heads in Sandland.

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"They are setting up an Oklahoma City, they are claiming that one is coming, and they’ve already marked the one who caused it. "— -- Glenn Beck, predicting that the Obama administration will stage a terror attack and blame it on him

Steven, will you provide information on the above conspiranut also?


man bird you are way off..dick cheney had more to do with 911 than osama did..

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