Mesa Muttonhead

The veterinary vulture asks, is it merely hoof-in-mouth disease or the ravings of a racist dumb-ass?

God bless state Representative Russell "White Pride" Pearce. Yep, this nutty nightingale must give thanks a month before Turkey Day for this bumblefuck's outing himself as a wanna-be skinhead, first by longing for the days of the 1950s-era deportation program "Operation Wetback," then sealing his image as a racist redneck retard by cutting and pasting an article off the Web site of the neo-Nazi National Alliance and e-mailing it to his supporters.

Talk about the gift that keeps on giving!

This warped wren hasn't had such an easy target to poop on since the 9/11 Memorial went up. See, the National Alliance was founded by the late William Pierce, the fella who wrote The Turner Diaries, the race-war novel that inspired none other than Timothy McVeigh to blow the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City sky-high. And dumb-ass Pearce is disseminating hate screeds from this source. Pearce might as well tattoo a swastika on his forehead and start squawking about the evils of Judaism.

Wait a sec. Seems the document he duped did crap on the Jews, as well as blacks, gays, mixed-race couples and, of course, ol' Russ's favorite whippin' victims — Messicans. In his apology, which came after the disclosure and near-universal condemnation of his proselytizing for the white-power posse, Russ whimpered that it was all a mistake! A "friend" sent him the article, and even though it had the National Alliance Web link up at the top and was full of neo-fascist venom from jump . . . hey, maybe Russ is tellin' the truth. The moon-pie-faced moron is just stupid enough for his version of events to be correct.

Russ claims he read part of the diatribe and kinda agreed with it, which is why he sent it on to fellow featherheads. The Bird can buy that because, basically, there's a dime's worth of difference between anti-immigrant shit-kickers like Russ and avowed racists like Klansman turned laugher presidential candidate David Duke, who once mentioned that one of the first things he'd do once in power would be to — surprise, surprise — bring back the Dwight D. Eisenhower administration's Operation Wetback.

Duke once crowed that Ike "accomplished in less than a year in the early '50s what we must accomplish today." Maybe Pearce and Duke should hook up for a cross-burnin'. FYI: This inquisitive eaglet recently discovered that during the program only 80,000 people were actually apprehended, not the 1.3 million its proponents claim, which only shows you how insane it would be to try the same thing on the estimated 12 million to 20 million illegal immigrants in this country.

But let's get down to brass talons, folks: Other than the fact that he's dumb as Mesa dirt, why's Russell Pearce so down on the brown? The first reason has to do with Pearce's personal pugnaciousness toward Mexicanos. Seems when he was a sheriff's deputy, one of his digits was half-gnawed off by a dog sicced on him by Latino youths in Guadalupe. More recently, his son, a chip off the ol' blockhead and currently a sheriff's deputy like his pop back in the day, was shot in the belly by an illegal alien in 2004. Pearce prolly blames all illegals for the injuries to himself and his son. But get a grip, Russ.

The second reason has to do with the old-school Mormonism in which Russ was raised. Not that Mormonism is known for being the most inclusive religion in the world. Ever see a pic of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir? For the most part, it's whiter than rice. But back when Russ was a little shaver, it was even worse. Blacks couldn't hold the Mormon priesthood. And the 1958 edition of the Book of Mormon still had passages like these describing what would eventually happen to dark-skinned converts: "Scales of darkness shall begin to fall from their eyes, many generations shall not pass away among them, save they shall be a white and delightsome people." Later editions of the Mormon tome replace "white" with "pure," but you get the point.

For an old bigoted fart like Pearce, it's too late. He's too mired in his own fear, prejudice and hatred to ever change. The real question is why anyone with half a brain in Mesa would want this nasty knuckle-dragger representing them in the Arizona Legislature. On the other hand, if Mesa wants to be known as a shithole full of racist dillweeds, why, it's got the right man.

Broken Injun

Ever wonder why the Navajo Nation, which sprawls over three states and has nearly 200,000 citizens, remains mired in poverty and afflicted by social ills, despite all its gol-durned natural beauty, cultural richness and economic potential? Sure, the white man screwed the red man over big-time, but besides that little historical fact? Well, this pea-brained pterodactyl has finally figured it out: It's because their political leaders are not much brighter than the aforementioned Russell Pearce.

Last month, this feisty feather-bearer told you all about how current Navajo Prez Joe "Dig My Pompadour" Shirley invited Black Muslim firebrand Louis Farrakhan to speak before the Navajo Nation Council at the Navajo capital at Window Rock ("Farrakhan Follies," September 14). Shirley feted Farrakhan, lavished him with cool gifts, and basically kissed his black ass. And what did Navajos receive in return? A homemade fountain pen and a lecture on how they needed to pull themselves up by their moccasin straps.

Maybe Shirley thought the bow-tied bonehead would help him in his current reelection bid against opponent Linda Lovejoy, who aims to make history by kickin' the Big Kahuna to the curb and becoming the first female Navajo Nation prez ever.

After talking to Lovejoy last month, this beak-bearer figured she's no brain surgeon but must be better than that schmo Shirley. But now Lovejoy's proved she's a boob, too.

See, on October 10 at a candidate forum in Albuquerque, Lovejoy was asked to explain her stance on abortion and gay marriage. You'd think Lovejoy'd been asked to do calculus on the spot sans calculator. The chick choked like a dog on a chicken bone.

"I'm anti-abortion on an individual basis," she stammered, with more umms and ahhs than The Bird has room to reproduce. "But I know families whose children have gone through abortion . . . but personally I would not tolerate it except when a person doesn't have a choice."

Safe enough answer, despite the Navajo pol's near incoherence. But her remarks on homosexual rights made her sound like some 19th-century eugenicist.

"I feel the same way about that as I feel about abortion," spat Lovejoy. "I know we are all . . . some of our children are born with physical impairments and it's not the baby's fault. That person is special. I feel the same way about sexual orientation."

You read right, bird brains. Lovejoy compared being gay to being a 'tard?

Mental lightweight Lovejoy shoulda seen the question coming. The issue's been hugely political in the Navajo Nation since 2005 when the Navajo Council voted to ban gay marriage on the reservation. President Shirley vetoed the legislation, and the subject's still a big deal with the Dine. (Dine's what the Navajo people call themselves.)

As Shirley flack George Hardeen pointed out to this pesky pelican, the council's gay-marriage ban drew international press, so why did Lovejoy sound so friggin' lost?

"It would strike me that anyone seeking the highest office on Navajo Land would be aware of the biggest issue the council faced in 2005," Hardeen tweeted.

And where does Shirley stand?

"He feels that's an individual issue and the government has no place in interfering in a person's lifestyle," offers the mouthpiece.

For her part, Lovejoy has tried to clarify her comments. Her abortion message remains the same: "I'm pro-life. However, in case of things that are rape or something of that nature, I can understand a need to abort a child."

But when it comes to gay rights, she coos a different birdsong, lying her ass off, even though she's on video at the event:

"That's not what I said. I said that at another rally because the reason I said that was because Joe Shirley's group is criticizing me of stuttering," she says. "Maybe I'm born with impairments. Does that mean that you're disrespecting other people with some sort of handicap?"

A handicap like, uh, being born gay, Linda? That's the comparison you made, remember? Maybe this matchmaking macaw should hook Lovejoy up with skinhead Pearce. They have so much in common. Both are pro-life, both hate gays and both suffer from congenital hoof-in-mouth disease.

Trouble in Paradise

Remember the old days, when the mob ran casinos, and gambling was actually cool? (Sigh . . .) Now it's mostly blue-haired ladies in stretch pants and BluBlockers. All 'cause the government wants to regulate it and get its pie-slice by pushing out those with so-called questionable ties. Why, if it hadn't been for the syndicate, there'd be no Vegas! No bright lights, casinos without clocks, or Wayne Newton. Haven't we learned by now that only crooks, or those tied to them, know how to run gambling joints the right way?

Go tell it to the AZ Department of Gaming, which recently nixed Jeremy Simms' proposal to add off-track betting to Indian casinos. In a recent report, gaming czars deemed Simms, owner of horse-racing mecca Turf Paradise, unsuitable because of "his history of inappropriate and corrupt dealings with state officials in California, his dishonest business activities, his questionable personal associations and his false statements."

Jesus H. Christ, nobody's perfect!

This tenacious toucan nabbed a copy of the report, which was filled with all kinds of juicy tidbits. Turns out Simms bribed a member of the California Coastal Commission, helped a couple of California pols extort a developer, and lent "large sums of money" to a "mob frontman" named Allen Glick. (No relation to Martin Short's corpulent comedic character Jiminy Glick.) Glick, movie buffs will tell you, was the inspiration for "Mr. Green" in Martin Scorsese's Casino. That's the kind of stuff that gets people's attention, especially in Phoenix, where we haven't had a big-time mob-style killing since the death of Arizona Republic reporter Don Bolles.

But Simms has got more probs than this beef with government gaming dweebs. Now the AZ Department of Racing's getting into the act. Seems every four years, it conducts racetrack reviews of pony palaces. Before Racing Director Geoffrey Gonsher took over, the process used to be a slam dunk for racetrack owners. But these days, Gonsher demands thorough inspections. Turf Paradise passed the stricter test in 2003, but it's still in the midst of round two, which began this summer. Gonsher won't talk details, but the Gaming report can't help, or so this earth-scratcher figures.

Then there's this pesky "major code violation" thing. While conducting their August review, Gaming officials called the City of Phoenix and asked inspectors to poke around. They fingered more violations than a traffic cop during Friday rush hour, including lack of certificates of occupancy, work done without proper permits, collapsed horse corrals, and electrical and structural violations.

Where's Larry the Cable Guy when you need him? Turf Paradise peeps need to Git-R-Done.

Fortunately, TP was able to open for the season as scheduled on October 6, but the inspections and the permitting process continue. Will government officials put the kibosh on Simms, and not let him, um, use his TP? Can Simms make inspectors an offer they can't refuse? Stay tuned, racing fans, for all the horse hockey you can stand, as the TP turns . . .

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