By Monica Alonzo
By Stephen Lemons
By Jason P. Woodbury
By Dulce Paloma Baltazar Pedraza
By Ray Stern
By Pete Kotz
By Monica Alonzo
By New Times
Initially, this bird of prey thought, "Hey, maybe Phoenix PD has the wrong guy?" After all, the cops have yet to come clean on whether Mark Goudeau really is the Baseline Killer; so far, they've only implicated him in the sexual assaults of two women. Plus, PHX police have so far arrested so many members of the Goudeau family that it's hard to keep things straight.
The Bird's saying, will Baseline Killing turn out to be a family business?
Once this furious flapper studied things a bit more, it was apparent that the page was a MySpace music site, though, uh, there are no songs posted as yet.
With no songs, and a headline like "23 and counting," no wonder this "straight edge hateing [sic], weed smoking, beer guzzeling [sic], bass and drum" trio's only got 41 "friends" listed.
One of them, EViLBEN, may not be one of them, unless he was kidding: "You killed my cousin, asshole!"
The Bird finally got up with BK site-meister "Suspect #1," who informed this curious cockatoo that the PHX band plays "power violence," and likes to get into fisticuffs with fans and each other. "We wanna stir up an emotional response from the zombie-fied public," said the suspect.
Great idea, power tool, but what about a little more meat on that skeleton of a site? Get some friggin' songs goin', like: "You Slay Me on Indian School," "Sit Still While I Choke Your Sorry Ass," "Bus Stop Blues," or "Car Wash Corpse."
And think about some merchandise. Like tee shirts, or a Baseline Killer ball cap with dreadlocks hanging around the edges. You'll make a killin', bros. And, oh, if you decide to go hip-hop, call yourselves the Baseline Killas, yo.