Monkey Love

The blarney-lovin' buzzard's craw is full o' scuttlebutt from Covance's monkeyshines, trigger-happy Tasers, and Jello Biafra's Stinkweeds wig-out

According to Lanning, Biafra took umbrage at how she mixed new and used records together in her bins, and began dictating how her record store should be run.

The pair also butted heads when Biafra accused Lanning of pilfering from a wad of tee shirts he brought along in a garbage bag to sell. The Stinkweeds owner chalks this up to a misunderstanding, as she was attempting to help Biafra sell his merch while he interacted with fans. She even allowed him to peer behind her front counter and paw through some promotional tees until he was satisfied she wasn't a closet klepto.

Biafra reportedly turned uppity when Lanning interrupted a confab with fans to inform him he was late for his Marquee gig. She says she was just trying to be helpful by making a map to the concert venue and informing him it would take him at least 30 to 45 minutes to get across town during rush hour.

The bilious Biafra departed in a huff. Lanning's still stunned as to why the legendary punker, who's championed the cause of D.I.Y. business owners for years, would treat her this way.

"I'm not used to having anyone question my integrity about things like stealing tee shirts," Lanning sniffed. "To have him do it was bizarre and outrageous."

When reached through his record label Alternative Tentacles, Biafra was more apologetic than Michael "Kramer" Richards with Jesse Jackson behind him, foot-in-ass.

"Basically, I'm really sorry that she misinterpreted some of my jokes in the way that she did," explained the contrite punk god. "I was kidding around, and if she misunderstood that, I'm really sorry."

Biafra went on to praise Lanning and Stinkweeds, practically singing "Kimber Über Alles" in the process. He said he didn't recall any accusations about stealing shirts, but that if there was miscommunication, he begged forgiveness.

"If I seemed at all hyper or angry, again, I'm sorry, I got to the in-store late," Biafra said. "If I was mad at anyone, it was at myself. I knew I was cutting it close to get to the sound check on time."

Sounds like Biafra was a bit frazzled, and desperately in need of some R 'n' R. Indeed, to borrow a line from the great man himself, "What you need, my son . . . is a holiday in Cambodia/Where people dress in black . . ."

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