Tranny-Gate

This bawdy bluebird ponders a tranny's package, plays politics with firefighters, and poops a load all over PHX scenester Brodie Hubbard

Here's the dilly: Longtime Peoria mayor John Keegan was term-limited out this year. That left two council members duking it out for his job à la Sly Stallone and that other guy in Rocky Balboa.

In one corner was Bob "Bulldog" Barrett. A mustachioed Vietnam vet, Barrett's brightest idea appears to have been touting his Republicanness in a year when the GOP was associated with George Duh-bya, staggering deficits, and that whole Iraq "civil war" thing.

Barrett's opponent was as formidable as this feathered fiend's vocabulary. Sure, real estate agent Pat Dennis has the sorta looks that make ya wish her 'rents had christened her "Isabella" or even, um, "Janet" to make her gender clearer than mother's milk. But Dennis had some very influential backers, including the family of Democratic senatorial loser and Foster Brooks stand-in Jim Pederson (they donated $1,480 to Pat's purse), and the police and fire unions. Billy "9/11 Boondoggle" Shields, who runs the extremely powerful United Phoenix Firefighters union, chaired her exploratory campaign committee.

Firefighters dumped beaucoup bucks into the race: Their various combined PACs chipped $2,610 into Dennis' pot. Two "independent expenditure" committees, funded largely by police and firefighters, spent another $20K, records show.

Nevertheless, Dennis kissed the mat in a squeaker, rejected by 634 votes. But the big losers were the dudes in the red long johns. Even though the firefighters unions put their muscle into electing the councilwoman, they were opposed by a group that until then had diddly-squat in clout.

That group's the International Association of Firefighters Local I-60. But the name's misleading. They're actually Southwest Ambulance paramedics. The ambulance workers gave the Barrett campaign manpower. Just as firefighters were leafleting and pounding the pavement for Pat, the ambulance folks did ditto for Bulldog Bob.

Why do firefighters and paramedics give a flip about Peoria's mayorship? Lucrative ambulance contracts, baby. As New Times' Sarah Fenske reported last year, Shields' predecessor as PHX union prez, Pat Cantelme, runs a private ambulance company, PMT, that's attempting to win 911 contracts Valleywide ("Ambulance Chasers," October 27, 2005). Many of Cantelme's old firefighting bros support him — even as members of Local I-60 stand to lose their jobs if he succeeds.

The Peoria contract expires this summer. And the new mayor could play a big role in whether Southwest holds its turf — or whether Peoria becomes Cantelme Country.

Dennis was rumored to favor a Cantelme takeover, and campaign records apparently support that. Cantelme and his wifey donated a total of $700 to Dennis. (Cantelme butt-boy Shields also donated $370.) Executives at Southwest Ambulance, perhaps trying to play it safe, gave money to both candidates: $600 to Barrett, $370 to Dennis.

But the work the ambulance union did for Barrett may carry the most weight when the 911 contract is up. Firefighters've traditionally used their manpower to get their way politically. In last month's election, Local I-60 pretty much told Shields and his boys that they ain't the only ones who can play hardball.

Jason Payne, prez of the ambulance workers, says his lifesavers aren't trying to buy contracts. They just want a fair shake.

Still, this seagull thinks Local I-60's pulled an old-fashioned power move against the Cantelme-Shields axis. Politically speaking, at least, Podunk Peoria is dullsville no more.

Brodie, Who?

This perturbed peacock's got a chicken bone to pick with P-town scenesters: These gnarly nobodies, as much as The Bird might dig 'em personally, really get under this pterodactyl's plumage. What's the deal with these lame-o's announcing to the world when they turn 23 or whatever that they're leaving for Gotham or El Lay, and then throwing themselves a big-ass goodbye party?

By Big Bird's beak, just leave, already! What's with the big production? Half the time, these characters're back in town "visiting" in three months, throwing themselves yet another party, and announcing on MySpace that they've arrived. The way these twentysomething twerps act, you'd think they'd been polishing their stars on Hollywood Boulevard instead of working at American Apparel or The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. Jeez, go make something of yourself, guys, then come back home. Don't return while you're still a loser.

Added to the roster of not-yet-greatness, along with such local luminaries as Austin Head, Johnny Noir, and the dear and lovely Tiffe Fermaint, is now Brodie Hubbard, an annoying, bearded bonehead whose claim to fame is playing his guitar while it lies flat on his lap (ooh, edgy), and penning plaintive emo ballads about broken relationships (boo-hoo-hoo). Seems Hubbard, rumored to be distant kin to Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, is going west six hours to La-La Land under the guise of trying his hand at TV writing while shacking up with his girlfriend.

Since he'll be heading out soon, guess what? He threw himself a party at the Trunk Space, the "Fuck You, Brodie Hubbard Going Away Show/Celebrity Roast" on Saturday, December 16. Well, this rabid rooster'll give L. Ron Brodie points for originality. Ripping off the Friars Club is cool, even if you are a nebbishy Nimrod.

The shindig was hosted by Southern hick and Grand Avenue Live! "talk show host" Kevin Patterson, and featured 15 guest roasters slamming Hubbard. So many folks told tales about how they initially thought Hubbard was gay that the humiliation-a-thon had an air of a "coming out" party. Actually, considering how much Hubbard enjoyed the abuse, it was more like verbal bukkake, with Brodie as the target.

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2 comments
amanda_s_cute_1
amanda_s_cute_1

your article was badly writen. a transsexual woman can be pre-operation .the term transgender covers transsexuals,crossdressers and many others.  the cartoon is utter crap. 

jim
jim

Somebody threw a party? How dare they! You sure do make a good point dill hole new times writer. People should not move and have parties, and people should be ashamed for having aspirations. I love you, dill hole new times writer. You are what the French call, Le Dill Hole, dill hole new times writer. Way to stick it for some reason to someone somehow.

 
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