By Amy Silverman
By Olivia LaVecchia
By Monica Alonzo and Stephen Lemons
By Chris Parker
By Michael Lacey
By Weston Phippen
Meanwhile, Joe was ruining the Xmas of some of his deputies by ordering them to keep guard over his abode during the holidays. One family member of one such deputy wrote in to this warbler.
"Deputies who'd have had those days off to spend with their family now need to sit in front of his house protecting [Joe]," the writer kvetched. "You don't hear of any other stories of different chiefs from around the Valley requiring their officers to protect their homes."
This persistent pelican called up Joe flack Lisa Allen MacPherson to confirm the beefing up of Joe's security at taxpayer expense. Naturally, she declined to comment (Arpaio's office makes a point of violating New Times' constitutional rights), but before doing so, she asked with a frisky flutter, "Are you that Bird guy that guy who called me a MILF?"
To be exact, this flirty finch called MacPherson "MILFY-hot" in its alter ego's blog, but then The Bird is pretty desperate.
Local rock station 98KUPD at least had some fun with the Joe-New Times kerfuffle. Afternoon jock Fitz Madrid joked on-air imagining citizens sending the holed-up Joe and wife Ava free pizzas and Chinese food. He quipped that the guys at Ha Ha China (one of the few Chinese eateries in Joe's 'hood) were the only ones working those eves shortly before Xmas.
"Oh, dat Joe!" sputtered Madrid in a politically incorrect, pseudo-Chinese accent. "Him so hungry. Ate all sparerib. Forty-eight egg roll this hour!"
Cracked Madrid to this mockingbird when asked about it: "Joe must have had his wallet out every nine minutes with all the things getting delivered to his house."
Joe shoulda called this hungry hawk. Not only would it have delivered cocoa and cookies to Joe's unfortunate deputies, it would've bought at least one round of egg foo yung for Joe and Ava. Of course, then Joe'd have this Bird on charges of "contributing to the already ginormous paunch of a lawman," right?