How to Break Up With a Friend

But it's not you, we swear

Heeding Waldron's advice, I decided to confront Katie as directly as possible. I wrote a long e-mail about my reasons for breaking things off, how I'm sorry for her current situation in life, but I'm unable to be her friend because of the repeated inconveniences and constant emotional drain. I fired it off and attempted calling her within the hour in case she wanted to talk things over, but she — not surprisingly — was suddenly not answering her phone. We had a very brief-but-hostile conversation over instant messenger that evening, which was liberally peppered with expletives, and ended with her telling me, in so many words, "You're never going to be in my life again, you're a fucking pussy, and you'll never . . . ever . . . know how cool and beautiful and awesome I truly am."

That's cool; at least I'll get some sleep now.

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