It's not a good thing when a restaurant makes you feel like you're in an airport. Or a cafeteria. Or even worse, an airport cafeteria.
Orzo salad: $8.97
Real Deal Philly: $8.97
Sicilian Arrabiata: $8.97
602-954-5119, >>web link.
Hours: Sunday through Thursday, 6 a.m. to 10 p.m.; Friday and Saturday, 6 a.m. to 11 p.m.
That's exactly how I felt when I visited the two-month-old 7th Heaven Eatery at the Camelback Esplanade. Considering some of its neighbors — sexy, slinky Merc Bar, and expense-account-friendly McCormick and Schmick's — I wasn't surprised to see the place bill itself as "upscale comfort food in a classy yet casual environment." But I also wasn't surprised when reality didn't match up with the press-release hype, as is often the case. Overpriced cafeteria food was more like it.
Tucked amid the office towers and parking garage, in a sprawling corner space that used to house Franco's Italian Caffe, 7th Heaven certainly has the location. Just think of all the captive cubicle dwellers spilling into the Esplanade retail complex over their lunch hour, eager to grab a quick bite with co-workers. And the folks moving into all those luxury high-rises that keep popping up, eager to walk to food. Cha-ching! I don't blame those people for eating here — it's a convenience thing, obviously — but I just can't see anyone else making the effort. It's not worth driving around the garage to find a precious parking spot, and I certainly wouldn't bother to walk here from Biltmore Fashion Park, even if the pedestrian tunnel under Camelback Road was finished.
It's too bad. Somebody clearly dumped a ton of money into this place, only to come up with a Crayola-colored, faux-happy, institutional vibe that doesn't make the food taste any better. I sat with a table full of friends considering other comparisons besides an airport cafeteria — a Disney food court! a pediatrician's office! — and then one guy nailed it: "This feels like we just walked on to the set of Saved by the Bell."
In other words, 7th Heaven has all the cheesy glory of a late-'80s teen sitcom. But not in a good way.
The restaurant's outdoor patio is pretty innocuous. Inside, it's bright blue swirls everywhere you look, from the floors to the walls. The busy motif is repeated in dizzying turned-metal table tops, and swaths of metal mesh suspended from the ceiling, illuminated with iridescent halogen track lights. Wooden chairs upholstered in blue, green, yellow and orange look like an explosion of Chiclets in the vast, open dining room. A row of flat-screen monitors display the menu above the front counter, which has built-in cases for showing off pastries near each of two entrances. There's a long rack of magazines along one wall, and in the back corner, there's a bar lit up in electric blue.
If it sounds kind of exhausting, well, it is. But it's the menu that really brings "trying too hard" to a whole new level. There are more than 60 items to choose from, and reading through them is an exercise in absurdity. Of course, the place has all kinds of salads and sandwiches and pizzas and burgers. There's an array of breakfast dishes served all day, right alongside all-American dinner fare like meat loaf and macaroni and cheese. Depending on your mood, you could order a glass of wine and some fried calamari, a smoothie and a hummus plate, or a latte and a pastry. Or if you're craving something ethnic, 7th Heaven has linguini, yakisoba, and fajitas.
It's as if the place is trying to be a one-stop shop for any and every possible dining scenario, and that's where it really falls short. Better to have a well-edited menu of well-prepared dishes than to go overboard and achieve mediocrity, at best.
And speaking of mediocrity, where to begin? The Swiss mushroom burger was a generic patty and plain bun, with predictable toppings — better than fast food, but not particularly flavorful or juicy. The only thing that made the veggie burger any different from a run-of-the-mill Gardenburger was the nine-grain ciabatta it was served on, and as far as I could tell, the only thing "upscale" about it was the nine-dollar price. Actually, make that $8.97 — every price on the menu at 7th Heaven ends in the number seven.
According to my sweetie — a Pennsylvania native like me, and a full-on cheese-steak connoisseur — the "Real Deal Philly" sandwich and its side of fries was sadly similar to the $6 steak and fries combo at the Steak Escape, only about three bucks more. I took a few bites and had to agree. A straightforward pile of thinly shaved beef, melted cheese, and grilled onions and peppers on a soft roll, it was neither a disappointment nor a standout.
The orzo salad was a fine mix of cool pasta and fresh spinach with slivered almonds, crumbles of feta, warm slices of chicken, and a drizzle of sweet balsamic dressing. And "Her Sister's Chinese Chicken Salad" was a harmless bowl of chicken strips, won tons, iceberg and romaine lettuce, mandarin oranges, and ginger-tinged Asian dressing. It was hard to find fault with it, but the portion was a total turnoff — there must've been two pounds of food in that bowl. Who wants to feel like a pig at a trough when they're eating a salad? The ginormous cheese crisp we ordered made more sense as a super-sized appetizer, and gratefully, it wasn't greasy.
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marian 05/03/2007 12:24:12 AM
Firstly, i would like to critique you, you seem like an arrogant, pig-headed type of person, who wouldn't know a good restaurant if it came up an slapped you in the face. I think 7th Heaven is great. Yes they needed to tweak a few things when they first opened as many new resturants do. But the food is great, and i have tried many things there. The quality and quantity are great, yes maybe it may be alot of food, and you may not need to finish it all, but you get way more than is expected for what you pay. Next door you have "other resturants" who offer some similar items, but you would end up paying double for them, and in my opinion they are not even half as good. Did you try the fish tacos? they are some of the best, and i dont even like fish, as are the fish and chips, and the philly is amazing! so is the orzo salad-one of my favs! and the mac etc! Also the breakfast all day is so refreshing, how many places around there are even open for breakfast- let alone offer it all day! There is also a new happy hour, which offers good size appetizers for under $2! and has beer and wine for on average more than 60% off the reg price. Also the service is outstanding! Its quick and wonderful! The counter staff greet you as if you were their first costumer of the day, you feel welcomed! You also get your food brought to you with a smile, and get pleasant conversation and attention while you are dining. How many restaurants offer that! I hope for your sake you go back again and see how they have improved...as a critic i would have assumed that you would know that it takes a successful business a few months to work out kinks and problems...IF they had the mistakes you said they did, well at least the had the opportunity to change...and did they have improved vastly if what you say is the truth! O and when you walk in or are sitting down, you do get either a manager, the owner or one of the staff great you and treat you like a regular.The owner is such a sweet man, and treats you wonderfully. Some of the nicest,friendliest and sweetest people work there and its a pity you are to blind and cynical to see it! Btw, i am being nice to you( i could be ruder!)... The counter staff take care of you to, and make sure you have everything you need and offer to get or do anything for you, they offer to split meals on different plates-before you even have to ask, they are so accommodating with adapting to the menu items - one costumer before me was very picky and the server helped them with a continuous smile and was able to help them with their request! How many places around the valley have great food, a pleasant and fun atmosphere AND the customer service! Like i said before i hope you have the humility to go back and see with new eyes this wonderful place...you owe it to your readers and to yourself! Thats all M x