Kook Congress

The brazen buzzard outs anti-Semites at the Chandler 9/11 conference, and sheds a tear for the Tribune's Slim Shady and a few more for the near-deceased Chez Nous

Half-baked Hufschmid additionally asserts such drivel as "The Jews created anti-Semitism in Germany to drive Jews out of Europe and into Palestine, and to unify Jews, and to bring pity to Jews." Such repulsive opinions aside, Hufschmid's a major source for 9/11 deniers, specifically for the video 9/11 Mysteries, whose director, known only as Sofia, will be present at the conspiracy confab.

Another speaker at the upcoming powwow will be Don Harkins, founder/editor of the Idaho Observer newsletter, which a couple of months ago ran an unsigned editorial defending former Ku Klux Klan Grand Wizard David Duke for attending the Tehran Holocaust deniers' conference in December.

For the non-anti-Semites out there, the Chandler meeting also features regular ol' fruit loops like Webster Tarpley, erstwhile devotee of Lyndon LaRouche (the walleyed wackjob who accused Queen Elizabeth of being behind the world drug trade), and Barbara Honegger, a former policy wonk for Ronald Reagan with a master's degree in parapsychology who's said a voice in her head urged her to work for the Gipper.

Fred Harper

With such attendees, the Chandler 9/11 shindig promises to be a veritable Planter's Cocktail Mix of Looney Tunes, crypto-anti-Semites, and folks who want to convince us all that al-Qaeda and Osama bin Laden are "myths." You know, just like the Holocaust.

Slim Shady

Gather 'round, birdies, and listen to the tale of Slim Smith, the folksy East Valley Tribune columnist, who's headed to the slammer Monday, February 26, for being blotto behind the wheel one too many times. Sure, this thirsty pterodactyl feels for a fellow boozer, but three DUIs in four years?!

That's almost better than former Saturday Night Live (now 30 Rock) comedian Tracy Morgan's record. Someone should've introduced the scribbler to the concept of drinking at home, or at least catching a cab when you're sloshed.

The fact that Smith, 47, got popped repeatedly doesn't really grate this grackle's beak. Rather, it's how he and the Trib mishandled the sorry mess. See, Smith, who typically writes three columns a week on the Trib's high-profile third page, revealed to his bosses on February 5 that he was two weeks away from possibly getting sentenced in a Gilbert courtroom to four months in prison. Instead of taking one on the chin in print, Smith and the Trib opted for some self-serving damage control, if you can call it that.

On February 7, Trib readers were graced with a sniveling Smith column and a blow-job piece by court reporter Gary Grado. Smith informed Grado he was fighting the charge and was in "full control of his faculties" when stopped.

"I understand drinking and driving is a serious issue, but what separates this country from totalitarian regimes is we're not punished for things we might do," Smith's quoted as saying. "The simple fact is I didn't hurt anyone."

It's a miracle the booze-hound didn't, or didn't pull a Patrick Kennedy and crash his car. The Gilbert police report from Smith's February 19, 2006, DUI showed Smith to have been seriously snockered. A Gilbert cop wrote that Smith was swerving, waited three to four seconds after the light turned green at Baseline and Cooper roads, then made a left and drove for 40 feet on the wrong side of the road. DUI experts The Bird consulted refer to this as the Nicole Richie maneuver.

Once stopped, Smith bluffed the cop that he'd knocked back but two scotches. The plastered penman later blew a .09. He may have been truthful in one respect, though. When the cop asked Smith if he'd have gone to work in his condition, Smith replied, "Yeah, sure." Well, at least he didn't start ranting about the Jews like a P-town Mel Gibson.

Maybe Smith was hammered when he wrote his February 7 column. He claimed he was innocent of the DUI charge and that his failed marriage caused his previous DUI convictions. Most embarrassingly, he gushed that he'd gotten an "assessment done by experts" and "mercifully, I am not afflicted by alcoholism." Yeah, it's probably more a labor of love. Like Dudley Moore's "affliction" in Arthur.

Of course, Smith doesn't mention in his column that he was arrested, cited and released in Gilbert seven months after that February 2006 DUI stop for driving on a suspended license. Smith spent 48 hours in jail and paid more than $800 in fines for the September 2006 citation.

Back in 2003, when Smith was stopped by Mesa po-po for weaving and speeding, the cop told Smith he reeked of booze and should come clean.

"Smith insisted that he did not drink any alcohol and only drank cranberry juice," wrote the cop. The blood test showed Smith's blood-alcohol content was .139. Now that's some high-octane cranberry juice! Smith, who was then the Trib's sports editor, broke down during the arrest, bawling like a baby, whining that he'd already been arrested "one year ago for DUI and would be fired."

The arrest he was referring to was in 2002, in Apache Junction. Pulled over for speeding, Smith just couldn't make the cop believe he'd only had two beers. Ultimately, he blew a .114 and .115 on two breath tests.

He served a day in jail for the 2002 arrest and 30 days in jail under a work furlough program for the 2003 arrest. Yet in an April 30, 2006, column headlined, "Who woulda thunk it — I'm an elitist!" Smith smarmed, "Up until now, my highest aspiration involved staying out of jail." Wags are now calling the truth-challenged columnist the real Slim Shady.

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2 comments
shawn
shawn

this guy should be fired..the Bird has tried before to slam the people who are asking the question most americans want to know...who the fuck caused 911.....fuck you Bird!!!!!!!!!

laurie walsh
laurie walsh

I am amazed at the lack of focus demonstrated by the "bird brained" reporter. He insists on foisting this bizarre other agenda of anti-Semitism (which is not worthy of mention it is so insignificant!) Yeah.. there was info on 9-11 researched also by Eric Williams. Yeah, he has also made some rash claims on other topics. SO? It's one person! So many scholars were there.. Dr. Jones of BYU- and so many others to mention. Google the topic. The 9-11 conference in Chandler was about that. Talk about conspiracies!! To derail a conference and a VITAL movement by REAL patriots who speak truth to power, and scholars looking into the atrocities of the events of 9-11 that BEG another investigation... the intonations of anti-Semitism are intended to obfuscate the REAL story. The real story is that conservatives and neo-cons alike, will do whatever they can to dereal this movement. But for people who call themselves liberal and yet would go all out to undermine this important work in the interest of making a name for themselves and driving a "story".. that is the most disgusting of all. I was there when STeve Lemons refused to hear anything at all at the press conference. He kept shouting down the speakers like a cheap heckler. It was embarassing for Arizona to have that neandrathal there firing his one dimensional questions at the brain trust of the nation assembled there. tsk. I can't even believe I am reading this stuff in New Times! Fire this guy already! tssss..

 
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