The bigger the ad campaign for a movie, the more likely that movie will be targeted by the New Times staff for a lampooning. "Homoerotic?" Have you had your medication today? The single biggest criticism of the flick is that instead of paying homage to a remarkable story by telling it plainly, it paid homage instead to a graphic novel. And the mistake Miller's novel makes is that he refuses to trust the historic event to impart emotional impact. Strangely, Miller's myth pales beside the facts, and does very little to illuminate them. When a story tells itself, a "laconic" manner is best. (note to reviewer: Did you know that laconic is another word for "Spartan?"} In all, five thousand Greeks squared off against a million adversaries for nearly a week in gruesome, hand-to-hand combat. Anyone who looks at these facts and decides he needs rhinos, elephants and mutants to spruce up the story reveals just how little he understands his subject matter. But "homophobic"? See a shrink. For a satisfying translating of Thermopylae into our century's emotional dialect, read Pressfield's brilliant "Gates of Fire." But in the meantime, since the movie rights to that book look like they will never get untangled, I heartily recommend that your readers ignore your issue-ridden reviewer and go see "300." --For all its quirks it entertains.