Ankkkarlo Pride

The feisty finch spars with KTAR's Darrell Ankarlow-brow, suggests anger management for an Assistant P-town police chief, and skewers fake Art Detour Gypsies

In case you missed it, this pugnacious parrot had yuks aplenty sparring with wing-nutty blowhard Darrell Ankarlo on a Friday edition of his KTAR-FM 92.3 morning show. The Cro-Magnon-esque conservative invited this cranky cock-of-the-rock on for some verbal fisticuffs over The Bird's column "Hate Jock" (March 1, 2007) that had just hit the streets the day before.

The article attacked a three-and-a-half-hour on-air rant by Ankarlow-brow. A rant wherein he derided plans by local immigrant-rights groups for a May 1 march aimed at encouraging federal and state lawmakers to come up with a legal path to citizenship and a guest-worker plan for this country's estimated 20 million undocumented. A similar march last year drew more than 100,000 peaceful demonstrators, a mixture of legal and illegal residents, as well as sympathetic American citizens. Ankarlo's proposal? Round 'em up and park 'em in a Tent City 'til the illegals are ID'd and sent back to Sonora. Never mind that you'd be racially profiling everyone at the protest.

For Darrell, if you're brown, that's probable cause that you're a beaner beggin' for deportation. Screw the First Amendment rights of citizens in that crowd. Ankarlo couldn't care less.

Fred Harper

Nor does Ankarlo give a dormouse's dingleberry about the 14th Amendment, the one that says if you're born on American soil, you're a citizen. For this poor-man's Michael Savage, the children of illegals are "anchor babies," a racist term if there ever was one, and they should return to wherever their moms and pops emigrated from. To Darrell, Mexicans are dirty, and strew trash in their yards and the streets. He can't figure out why someone might consider such comments bigoted. In Ankarlo's mind, he's the Tom Paine of the airwaves. But in this Bird's eye, Ankarlo's the David Duke of PHX drive time.

As you can listen for yourself on Darrell's site, where most of the show's saved as MP3 files, this fearless falcon gave as well as he got. That is, after Darrell spent several minutes fuming. He mentioned that a gentleman called in the day before, praising him to the high heavens and telling him about this outrageous article in New Times calling him a "hate jock." Then Darrell droned on about how he never censors or cherry-picks callers.

"If I see that you are adamantly disagreeing with what I've got to say, you are never censored," announced Ankarlo. "I will let you in, just as I will let someone in who agrees with me. That's called discourse. That's called debate. That's called healthy in America."

That's also called a load of heron hockey. The Bird's called in to Ankarlo's show before and told the screener it disagreed with Ankarlo's venom. Each time, this whippoorwill was placed on hold indefinitely. So the Thursday the Ankarlo article was published, The Bird phoned in as a huge Ankarlo fan. Surprise, surprise, this beak-bearer got through almost immediately. As "Dave in Phoenix," The Bird lauded the jock, informing him that the supposed smears of his enemies at New Times were just "terrible, terrible!" Later, Pat McMahon, who comes on after Ankarlo, made a quip about this egret's editorial, making it even harder for the bile-spittin' Darrell to ignore.

Needless to say, later that day this sneaky sparrow got a call from Ankarlo's producer, Rob Hunter, asking this outrageous eagle to come on the show Friday mornin'. Heh. Score one for The Bird.

Ankarlo took offense at being labeled a hatemonger, but the Taloned One persisted, even quoting back Ankarlo's bigoted comments about Mexican neighborhoods to him. Then Ankarlo threw out his tiredest trick, one he's used on callers past. A retarded hypothetical that goes like this:

"I like your house. So while you're at work, I'm bringing my kids and my wife over, we're moving into your house. We're gonna get your big-screen TV, we're gonna eat your chicken pot pies, we're gonna jump in the pool, we're gonna have a good time. You're gonna show up and what are you gonna do? Will you say, 'Hey, the more the merrier, come on in,' or will you say, 'Dude, get out or I'm gonna have you arrested?'"

If ever there was a false analogy! The Bird told Ankarlo that the reality of illegal immigration is that folks come here by the thousands every day because of supply and demand. That cheap labor — like it or not — cleans our office buildings, peels potatoes in our restaurants, builds houses in which we dwell, and helps drive AZ's booming economy.

What'd happen if all the undocumented workers in the Valley were shipped back tomorrow? David Jones, CEO of the Arizona Contractors Association, was asked that question by New Times reporter Robert Nelson for Nelson's November 4, 2004, cover story, "Alien Nation." His reply, "I'd venture to say the state would collapse."

Rednecks like Ankarlo don't want to hear that. A better analogy than the one he posits above would be if someone broke into your house and started scrubbing your toilet, watching your kids, and mowing your lawn. Dunderheads like Darrell want to punish people who come here from Mexico and bust their asses working for us. There's something really sick about that; it's on par with the way blacks were treated in the Jim Crow South.

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Geez, Lemons, you're such a windbag.

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