Wieners' Circle

It was the wurst of times

She grabs Brando's shoulders. "You're with all these gay men — you're gay!"

Brando grabs JuJu and whispers something in her ear. Then JuJu grabs me. "C'mon, he's leaving with us," she says. "I'm gonna have sex with him tonight."

I'm stunned, but I agree to drop them off at JuJu's. When I get to the exit, I look back to see Brando still sitting at the bar. JuJu comes running up a few seconds later.

"Why isn't he coming?" I ask.

"He said, 'Well, I don't like Niki.' "

"Well, he wouldn't be having sex with me," I say with a laugh. "You know what the real problem is, JuJu? He's gay."

JuJu looks kind of sad, so I pat her on the back. "Hey, you're a straight woman who just made out with a gay man in a gay bar. You should be proud!"

And we shuffle off into the night, still nary a wiener in sight.

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