By New Times
By Connor Radnovich
By Robrt L. Pela and Amy Silverman
By Ray Stern
By Keegan Hamilton
By Matthew Hendley
By Monica Alonzo
By Monica Alonzo
A Child Shall Fool Them
Editor’s note:We're straying from our usual Letters format to publish an assortment of responses (edited from our Web site) to our satirical story on Anna Nicole Smith's secret love child with a Tohono O'odham tribesman (see The Bird for complete details). Some readers caught on that the story was parody while others insisted that it rang true.
Worse off with the dough: Wow, what a depressing story. The poor kid. Money ain't everything, you know. Even if Buster Brown gets them millions, he'll never get his mommy back. And he might even be the worse off for having the loot. Might end up a drug addict or something.
Don the Beachcomber
Then don’t think: I would hate to think that a man would traumatize his child in this manner for monetary gain. The birth certificates you printed are different and do not show the signature of the mother. I can't even see much information on the notarized copy, but it does look different. Either way, Marshall is a beautiful boy.
Key word is "faked": There needs to be DNA testing. Documents of all kinds can be faked. But it sounds like he had some sort of a relationship with Smith. DNA testing would prove conclusively if the boy's hers or not. If not, then it's a case of child abuse, lying to this child and letting him think Anna Nicole's his mother.
Stern figure: The father needs to be DNA tested also. This child looks just like Howard K. Stern with a mix of Daniel and Anna!
Uh, they have a name for everything: "Scarlet Fever"! Damn, they have a name for it? How could an Indian man, or any man, keep quiet about having their way with Anna Nicole? This made my day!
Finally, someone who gets it: Marshall was a great student. I'm a second-grade teacher on the reservation, and I have to say it was quite difficult to keep the family's secret. It's about time this story was told. My best wishes to the family and loved ones.
What’s so funny?: I'm speechless. I needed a good laugh. Just want to say I can see why Anna was intrigued by Johnny.
"Totem pole" woulda been obvious: "At first, it was all in fun," Soto details. "She'd call my you-know-what her 'tomahawk,' her 'wooden Indian,' or 'big wampum.' Sometimes she'd ask me to do a war dance naked with this feather from one of her dresses stuck in my baseball cap. I tried to tell her that the Tohono O'odham don't wear feathers, but she didn't care. She thought it was funny, and it turned her on, so I did it, though I have no idea if our people even have a war dance.'"
Oh, my God, I'm laughing so hard! I'm going to start checking Native men I go out with to make sure their "wooden Indian" hasn't been contaminated.
If it looks like a duck . . . : This story sounds real. If it is, why has this not hit the other news agencies such as CNN and Fox? Seems to me, publishing it there will get Johnny Soto a high-profile lawyer real quick!
Florida??: Why haven't other media picked it up yet? They probably haven't read it yet. They think nuthin' happens anywhere but L.A., N.Y. and Florida. Anyway, that's why.
Camera shy: This sounds fishy to me. Where are the pictures of Anna with this adorable little boy? As a baby, a toddler? And where are the pictures of Anna with this hot man? You know how she loved getting her picture taken with men, especially hot-looking men. DNA testing most definitely needs to be done!
Trashing on Johnny S.: This guy is really a freakin' a$$! I mean, come on. I love the photo of him with the bottle of Jack D to show us all he has to drink now that she's dead! This guy should be ashamed of himself to make his kid think she's his mom. The birth certificate would have Anna's real name, Vicky Lynn, not Anna Nicole! Go sell it to someone with your tribe!
Yup, it’s a cover-up: Wait a sec! Didn't she change her name legally to Anna Nicole Smith? I read somewhere she did. If they kept it a secret, why would it have come out? We only know about Dannielynn because she told everyone she was preggers that time. This time, maybe she wanted to cover up having a mixed-race child.
Better than reality: Good thing Judge Larry had more DNA samples taken and stored. This story and her life just keeps on coming. These twists and turns are the real Anna Nicole show!
Oh, the irony: This story is a hoax. Total bullshit. New Times does it again. The will to believe anything just because it's in print is a pathetic thing to behold. New Times rightfully debunks and makes fun of 911Truthite fanatics while it's busily scamming its own readers.