Jibes Sans Frontiers

In which you are sent away to bordering school

Why should Mexican nationals have more right to stay in this country than Chinese, Somalians or others who can’t cross an open land border and must thus wait on the bureaucracy like everybody else?
700 Miles Isn’t Long Enough

Dear Gabacho:
'Cause this land once belonged to Mexico — kidding!

I'm not sure what prompts your question. Amnesty advocates wish to legalize all the 12 million or so undocumented immigrants in this country (except for the Guatemalans, of course). The only group that demands special treatment for Mexicans is the Mexican government, and no one takes that bag of pendejos seriously, not even Mexicans. All nationalities deserve a shot to smuggle themselves into this country, and all nationalities take it. Mexicans constitute just a little more than half of all the illegal immigrants in the United States, according to a March 2006 report by the Pew Hispanic Center. The same report estimates that other Latinos represent 22 percent of border-hoppers, while chinos chip in with 13 percent, and Europeans and Africans make up the rest of the chunk. I don't think I have to talk about why wabs make up such a disproportionate number of the illegal population, but if you want a quick explanation, read my response to the following question . . .

Details

Got a spicy question about Mexicans? Ask the Mexican at »e-mail link. Those of you who do submit questions: they will be edited for clarity, cabrones. And include a hilarious pseudonym, por favor, or we’ll make one up for you!

Related Stories

More About

How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Gabacho Really Wants To Know

Dear Gabacho:
Just one. But then Juan will tell his relatives about how screwing in gabacholight bulbs pays more than screwing in Mexican ones, and the reconquistabegins.

Have you noticed how Bill O’Reilly, Lou Dobbs, and Glenn Beck go on and on about Mexicans and immigration? It seems as if they fear the taco truck more than the Taliban. I think they go nuts because some Mexicans look like Arabs or Muslims. I blame all the prietos for this. That’s why they’re always the bad guys in the telenovelas. Damn prietos always fucking shit up. Saddam Hussein looked like my freakin’ uncle with the ostrich boots, and I can easily pass for the Iranian president. All I need is a khaki Members Only jacket.
Muslim-Looking Mexican

Dear Wab:
Lay off the Cazadores for a day, quĂ© no? Your pregunta is as splatter-happy as Jackson Pollock — Taliban this, O'Reilly that, and then you use a word that requires an explanation for the gabachos! But there is some method to your chingadera, so let's begin. The fact that many Mexicans look like they're fresh off the camel is because of the Moorish-Iberian mutts that colonized the Americas. Swarthy foreigners have always inspired fear amongst gabachos (read Edward Said's Orientalism for a better treatise on the subject), so you're probably right in theorizing that Mexican-hate draws from this same archetypal well and inspires added venom thanks to the unconscious Mexican-Muslim connection. And you confirm your suspicion by blaming the prietos,which are what Mexicans call the darker-skinned members of our race. They suffer the brunt of our jokes, get portrayed in the Mexican media as little better than maids and bandidos, and must suffer with the stigma of their bronze complexion for life. It doesn't matter that the Mexican intelligentsia mythologizes the country's indigenous past, or that way more Mexicans are prietos than güeros (light-skinned) — if you're a brownie amongst beaners, you're caca out of luck.

 
My Voice Nation Help
4 comments
Sort: Newest | Oldest
Komprezer
Komprezer

Thats why I love watching the show Monica. The Prietos are always shown as dysfunctional beings.

Komprezer
Komprezer

Thats why I love watching the show Monica. The Prietos are always shown as dysfunctional beings.

scootertrash
scootertrash

Would it make you feel any better if the guys trying to hit on you were white, like you, and of course more superior? You Arians are funny.

johnnymarker
johnnymarker

this is a question for the mexican...could not get through to his website.. I am beginning to lose much respect for the Mexican man. This is because I like to walk and usually it is alone. I am a slim blonde who usually dresses comfortably when I do. I do not where provacutive, revealing clothes when I walk and am usually keeping my eyes ahead to where I'm going. The problem is that I am stopped way too much by mexican men asking where there is a phone, what time it is,and where there is a hotel. Some even come out and proposition me as if I were wearing a garter belt and a short short dress while carrying a red light. The last time this happened I replied "Ya, Ya, Ya,Ya, until he got the drift, no speaka english and left me alone. This has been going on for years Why do Mexican men "come on" to women when they are walking alone? And how will I get this to stop? NO YA YA PRO HERE

 
Loading...