King of Pain

Seems Childress and Ready are tight. Ready was once a bouncer at the Scottsdale club e⁴. According to club CEO Aron Mezo, Childress is a part-investor in the club and helped get Ready a job at the swanky nightspot, though Ready hasn't worked there in at least a year, says Mezo.

What with Ready being a chum, and Ready embracing white-supremacist views on Newsaxon.com, maybe Childress can come out of the supremacist closet finally and raise a Confederate flag over his Kia dealership. Of course, that might not jibe well with his Korean business partners. Come to think of it, how can Ready pal around with fellow anti-immigrationists at a dealership that specializes in foreign rather than domestic automobiles? Could he be a "race-traitor" for doing so? Blimey, what will other Newsaxons think when they find out?

BARRY BONEHEAD

Didn't take long for the right-wing macadamias in talk-radio land to make ideological hay out of Seung-Hui Cho’s Columbine-inspired slaughter on the campus of Virginia Tech. Before anyone could suggest that maybe it was a little too easy for koo-koo Cho (hey, isn't that a Beatles lyric?) to get hold of his handguns and his ammo, NRA keister-kissers were on the job, suggesting that if everyone at Virginia Tech had been packin' heat, there would have been no problem. Capisce?

Still, even this jaded jaybird was taken aback by the bitter ravings of crusty KFYI 550 AM blowhard Barry "I Can’t Remember When I Was" Young. A day after the tragedy, Burl Ives-look-alike Barry posited the theory that Cho's 32 victims deserved what they got 'cause they were all a bunch of coddled weenies. Well, all except for Holocaust survivor and teacher Liviu Librescu, who died barricading a doorway from the killer while his students escaped.

"They allowed themselves to be shot one at a time," spat Young at one point. At another, he mused, "You gotta wonder why people would just stand there and be slaughtered."

Young's sidekick, an obnoxious broad named Michelle Larson, suggested the victimhood of the victims was because they were somehow Europeanized by their education. Forget the fact that hero Librescu was born and educated in Romania, which, the last time this liberal loon checked, is still in freakin' Europe. But never let the facts get in the way of a bile-spew, right, Michelle? According to their logic, should Barry ever get pistol-whipped, or Michelle ever get sexually assaulted by thugs, this feathered fiend will know who to blame. Um, not the thugs, that's for sure.