Hip-Hop Love Connection

Bachelors in a row, it's you they would be dating/
So evaluate their pitches and calculate your rating

Introducing tonight's bachelors in no particular order: One is a don in the Puerto Rican Costa Nostra. The second is a rap star who likes to call himself The Snowman. Our final bachelor is proud of his resemblance to his daddy and always rolls with cash money.

Why should I go out with you?

Bachelor Number One: "Psychopathic wordplay, schizophrenic flow/I guess it's safe to say I got schizophrenic dough/Fuck bad bitches, smoke big blunts/Who am I to tell ya different? Ya only live once."

Rap bachelors: (left to right) Young Jeezy, Lil' Wayne, and Fat Joe.
Mark Walters
Rap bachelors: (left to right) Young Jeezy, Lil' Wayne, and Fat Joe.

Bachelor Number Two: "I'm a pimp not a simp/Like ice in my drink/And I don't think twice or blink/cuz I'm focused rollin' in the whitest mink/like I'm a polar bear/Let down my hair/Get jazzy on a bitch like Fred Astaire."

Bachelor Number Three: "My life's legendary/If I wrote down all in a book it would be very scary/What you know 16 Beemers and Benzes/Rope chain down to my dick, the beef looks tremendous."

What would an evening with you be like?

One: "Put the pound game on her, hit her from the back/I'm young and thuggin', I don't give a fuck/He can make love to you, I'ma beat it up."

Two: "Toss ya like a fruit salad strawberry-grape ya/They ball when they can and I'm ballin' by nature."

Three: "Net worth put the tool in the skirt/What you fools know about getting' head in reverse/About clockin' grips, and coppin' whips?"

What’s your biggest fault?

One: "Run through a hundred grand watching Matlock."

Two: "I'm so vain it's a problem/It ain't a stain on these Pradas I'm just bein' modest."

Three: "Splash your lungs right in front of your kids/I'm a basket case, don't ever give this bastard space/Or I'ma have your ass erased."

What kind of life would you offer me?

One: "Eat at Spun dinners four times a week/Bucket of crab legs, Slick had the lobsters /I'm the real deal these other niggaz imposters."

Two: "I can take that dirt and turn that shit glitter/I leave the work wit' her yeah she my babysitter/And if I find out she stealin' for realer, I'ma kill her."

Three: "Rollin' with me, could only get you fast cars and/Fuck mad bitches and dine amongst the stars/But we gettin' mad chav in the life we live MTV's comin' over just to feel my crib."

What’s your philosophy on life?

One: "A hard head make a soft ass and hard white, it gets you straight cash."

Two: "Money money money is my intuition/Money over bitches? Such an easy decision."

Three: "Hustlin' is the key to success/Money is the key to sex/The life is gettin' cash, drinkin' mo', gettin' blessed."

Which did you choose: One, Young Jeezy; Two, Lil' Wayne; or Three, Fat Joe?

 
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