By New Times
By Derek Askey
By Mark Deming
By Serene Dominic
By Jason Keil
By Robrt L. Pela and Amy Silverman
By Jeff Moses
By Serene Dominic
Introducing tonight's bachelors in no particular order: One is a don in the Puerto Rican Costa Nostra. The second is a rap star who likes to call himself The Snowman. Our final bachelor is proud of his resemblance to his daddy and always rolls with cash money.
Why should I go out with you?
Bachelor Number One: "Psychopathic wordplay, schizophrenic flow/I guess it's safe to say I got schizophrenic dough/Fuck bad bitches, smoke big blunts/Who am I to tell ya different? Ya only live once."
Bachelor Number Two: "I'm a pimp not a simp/Like ice in my drink/And I don't think twice or blink/cuz I'm focused rollin' in the whitest mink/like I'm a polar bear/Let down my hair/Get jazzy on a bitch like Fred Astaire."
Bachelor Number Three: "My life's legendary/If I wrote down all in a book it would be very scary/What you know 16 Beemers and Benzes/Rope chain down to my dick, the beef looks tremendous."
What would an evening with you be like?
One: "Put the pound game on her, hit her from the back/I'm young and thuggin', I don't give a fuck/He can make love to you, I'ma beat it up."
Two: "Toss ya like a fruit salad strawberry-grape ya/They ball when they can and I'm ballin' by nature."
Three: "Net worth put the tool in the skirt/What you fools know about getting' head in reverse/About clockin' grips, and coppin' whips?"
What’s your biggest fault?
One: "Run through a hundred grand watching Matlock."
Two: "I'm so vain it's a problem/It ain't a stain on these Pradas I'm just bein' modest."
Three: "Splash your lungs right in front of your kids/I'm a basket case, don't ever give this bastard space/Or I'ma have your ass erased."
What kind of life would you offer me?
One: "Eat at Spun dinners four times a week/Bucket of crab legs, Slick had the lobsters /I'm the real deal these other niggaz imposters."
Two: "I can take that dirt and turn that shit glitter/I leave the work wit' her yeah she my babysitter/And if I find out she stealin' for realer, I'ma kill her."
Three: "Rollin' with me, could only get you fast cars and/Fuck mad bitches and dine amongst the stars/But we gettin' mad chav in the life we live MTV's comin' over just to feel my crib."
What’s your philosophy on life?
One: "A hard head make a soft ass and hard white, it gets you straight cash."
Two: "Money money money is my intuition/Money over bitches? Such an easy decision."
Three: "Hustlin' is the key to success/Money is the key to sex/The life is gettin' cash, drinkin' mo', gettin' blessed."