Useful Idiots

Bottom line: It's all about money.

Local cops rake it in on DUI busts. That's why they lurk outside bars, pulling anybody and everybody over, instead of focusing on drivers who are seriously impaired.

If the MADD zealots had their way, there'd be no more nightlife, or none worth mentioning. Everybody would be drinking soda pop for fear of the po-po. Are we gonna continue to take this? Or are we gonna finally tell these mothers to go to eff themselves?

AGENT JAGOFF

Boy, FBI agents are real jerkoffs these days. That's what this wacky woodpecker figured after its cuckoo cousin Feathered Bastard blogged about Agent Ryan Seese, who was caught with his pants down, pounding his pud in the women's restroom at U of A's student union last week. According to campus police reports, Seese exposed himself to a cleaning lady while in flagrante delicto.

Calls to the FBI office here in Phoenix were not returned, but campus cops captured the Paul Reubens wanna-be after chasing him down in a nearby parking structure. Though Seese's badge and gun were in his car, he was armed with a pocket mirror, perhaps to spy on adjacent stalls in the ladies' loo.

Seese was cited on three counts and released into the custody of an FBI supervisor. Can you imagine a regular schmo being so treated? A perk of being an FBI agent, reckons this warbler. If the Taloned One had pulled a similar stunt, they'd probably put his ass under the dang jail.

J. Edgar Hoover must be turnin' over in his petticoats. And this from the same Bureau empowered to spy on us all under The Patriot Act.

Okay, this cock-of-the-rock admits, whacking off has always been the real national pastime. But in the chicks' bog? If this knob-bearin' nightingale's gotta take care of bidness, he does so as God intended: At home, door locked, blinds closed and Internet on.