Useful Idiots

The pissed-off puffin paddles fellow journalists, Mothers Against Drunk Driving, and an FBI monkey-spanker at U of A

Bottom line: It's all about money.

Local cops rake it in on DUI busts. That's why they lurk outside bars, pulling anybody and everybody over, instead of focusing on drivers who are seriously impaired.

If the MADD zealots had their way, there'd be no more nightlife, or none worth mentioning. Everybody would be drinking soda pop for fear of the po-po. Are we gonna continue to take this? Or are we gonna finally tell these mothers to go to eff themselves?

Fred Harper


Boy, FBI agents are real jerkoffs these days. That's what this wacky woodpecker figured after its cuckoo cousin Feathered Bastard blogged about Agent Ryan Seese, who was caught with his pants down, pounding his pud in the women's restroom at U of A's student union last week. According to campus police reports, Seese exposed himself to a cleaning lady while in flagrante delicto.

Calls to the FBI office here in Phoenix were not returned, but campus cops captured the Paul Reubens wanna-be after chasing him down in a nearby parking structure. Though Seese's badge and gun were in his car, he was armed with a pocket mirror, perhaps to spy on adjacent stalls in the ladies' loo.

Seese was cited on three counts and released into the custody of an FBI supervisor. Can you imagine a regular schmo being so treated? A perk of being an FBI agent, reckons this warbler. If the Taloned One had pulled a similar stunt, they'd probably put his ass under the dang jail.

J. Edgar Hoover must be turnin' over in his petticoats. And this from the same Bureau empowered to spy on us all under The Patriot Act.

Okay, this cock-of-the-rock admits, whacking off has always been the real national pastime. But in the chicks' bog? If this knob-bearin' nightingale's gotta take care of bidness, he does so as God intended: At home, door locked, blinds closed and Internet on.

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It is a shame that the writer of this article has not experenced a love one being killed by a Drunk Driver.

Jason Kenenrly
Jason Kenenrly

Paris Hilton is out of jail now, but almost a month ago, she was released by the LA county jail system to home arrest, without the approval of a judge. This generated much public outrage and eventually, an order for her to be taken back into custody. During the Paris Hilton ordeal, Sheriff Joe Arpaio extended an offer of the use of Phoenix's "Tent City" facility, supposedly in order to help with LA's severe overcrowding problem, but was turned down by Los Angeles.

New Times poked fun at Joe for his offer, but it is now known from her recent Larry King interview that the medical condition that Paris suffered from that caused her initial release was in fact claustrophobia. When first confined, Paris suffered from severe panic attacks, anxiety attacks, and had difficulty eating and sleeping.

In light of this new knowledge, how can Joe's respect for the medical privacy of Paris, and his offer of the Tent City facility , with its fresh air, open spaces, and desert vista, be considered anything other than an act of kindness, generosity, and compassion?

Eduardo Reyes
Eduardo Reyes

Stephen, those "useful idiots" don't impress me at all; people with murky purposes will always resource to murky means. Keep up the good job!


I think I love you, Stephen. Finally someone that writes what we all think. The self proclaimed non corrupt czar is so media hungry that its pathetic. The Paris Hilton offer was the epitome of lame. Bring her to Arizona so she can get beat to death at Tent City? Brilliant!

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