Slapstick Scammers

The livid lapwing lambastes LifeLock phonies, J.T. Ready, and pathetic P-town puppy-huggers

Nonetheless, the failed Mesa City Council candidate was welcomed, cheered, and embraced by a crowd of about 300 on the Capitol lawn, a crowd angered whenever the term "racist" was used to describe their movement. A regular Nuremberg rally for numbskulls. A true Triumph of the Swill.

His massive frame shoved sausage-like into a dark suit, J.T. palled with bosom bigot buddy state Representative Russell Pearce(wearing an American flag shirt) before and after Ready spoke during the five-hour prejudice powwow. On the podium, Ready was easily the most popular speaker, aside, perhaps, from the Yosemite Sam-like Buffalo Rick, a gimpy, grumpy ol' coot who looks like he, in the words of the classic SNL skit, "lives in a van, down by the river." Buffalo may not be a crazy homeless man, but he could pass.

Hermann Goering-esque gasbag J.T. whipped the audience of white-trash wackos into a frothing-at-the-mouth furor, denouncing AZ Republican Senator Jon Kylas a traitor for supporting immigration reform, and giving the audience his four-point program for an all-American authoritarian state, presumably with jumbo J.T. as its flabby führer:

"All the politicians wanna say it [immigration] is a complex problem," yelled Ready. "Well, I got it for you, one, two, three, four. Ya ready? Number one: Put the 1st Marine Division on the southern border. Number two: Put the 2nd Marine Division on the northern border. Number three: Put the 3rd Marine Division at our ports and shores. Number four: Our 4th Marine division needs to be within the interior moppin' up these gangbangers and takin' 'em out of here."

Of course, military-lovin' Redneck Ready never mentioned that he was court-martialed twice and kicked out of the Marines with a bad conduct discharge. Or that in 2006, he was replaced as the master of ceremonies for Mesa's Veterans Day parade after vets discovered the truth of his piss-poor service record. He's also had, and continues to have, run-ins with the police.

On his Newsaxon Web page, Ready listed National Alliance founder William Pierce's The Turner Diaries as one of his favorite books. The Turner Diariesis an apocalyptic tale of race war, one that inspired Timothy McVeigh to blow up the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City.

Here's hoping no one rents Ready a Ryder truck.

After J.T., the fun continued, with scraggly snagglepuss Buffalo Rick taking the podium, shouting at the top of his lungs like some deranged lunatic. Recognizing this plumed penman standing in the crowd, he announced:

"There are people among us today who call themselves journalists. They call themselves reporters — basically people like The Bird down here from the New Times, who seems to think we're all racist bigots. I got news for ya, if we were racist bigots, you'd be hanging from that tree."

In other words, a good, old-fashioned KKK-style lynching.

For the rest of the event, this wacky warbler challenged folks about Ready's presence. Some claimed not to know who he was, though he'd just been up there leading them in chants of "U-S-A, U-S-A." Some defended him. Still others seemed to think his white nationalism didn't matter.

This beetle-eater missed a chance to buttonhole former Congressman J.D. Hayworth about his guilt by association, but did get to chat with mayoral hopeful Steve Lory and PHX City Council candidate Jack Watson. Both said they were not aware of Ready's racist activities. Surprisingly, both said they would have taken to the stage and spoken even if they'd known.

Lory claimed it was a freedom of speech issue.

"You're gonna get that at any event," he tutted to this toucan. "What are you gonna do if you're organizing this event? You say to someone like him, 'I don't like your views, you're out?'"

Um, yeah. That's exactly what you would do if you didn't want your name or movement linked to him. Look, Lory's no racist. The nightclub he ran until it was forced to close by the city, Blaze, catered to a black and Hispanic crowd. But if you're appearing at a rally that features an unabashed white supremacist, it begs the question: At what point do you say it crosses the line? What if Ready showed up in a brown shirt and swastika armband, for instance?

Lory can't say Ready was the only one there espousing such views. The Bird spotted skinheads in attendance, and there was one Scottish bloke who even defended the racist shorthand of 14/88 (88 being code for HH, or Heil Hitler, and 14 being the famous supremacist slogan uttered by neo-Nazi David Lane). Braveheart-boy also called the Holocaust a "hollow hoax," a belief right at home in the doofus' hollow head.

And these idjits in the anti-immigrant movement can't figure out why they get tarred with the racist label!?

PUPPY CHOW

As a voracious vulture who's sunk its beak into the flesh of many an unfortunate mammal, this omnivorous avian's been scratching its feathered noggin' about this situation involving Glendale resident Joseph Beadle, a three-week-old puppy dipped in cooking oil, and a malnourished red-tail boa constrictor.

Beadle pleaded guilty last week to feeding the live, greasy pooch to the serpent while two 15-year-old boys looked on. Though the snake did the devourin', Beadle, 40, was sentenced to 90 days in the slammer for felony animal cruelty.

« Previous Page
 |
 
1
 
2
 
3
 
All
 
Next Page »
 
My Voice Nation Help
2 comments
lisa salazar
lisa salazar

It is totally barbaric, insane and cruel to feed a puppy to a snake! This sick individual needs to be locked up for a very long time and be banned from every having any pets!

Patricia
Patricia

To the asshole who wrote "Puppy Chow"; Too bad it's against the law to cut off your tiny penis, oil it up, and then feed it to a large snake in front of a live audience. Oh come on people; it's just a penis that happens to be attached to a useless "human being".

 

Around The Web

Loading...