Bird Alert

The feathered fiend demands travel records from Sheriff Joe, decries Prop 100 hooey, and hangs with some art-geek meshuggenehs

Way to lean into the fist sandwich, people! As long as nativists protect Ready, let him speak at their events, and embrace his wack worldview, they've earned all the invective this American eagle can throw at 'em, and then some.

DIMWIT DRAGNET

Kudos to Candy Thomas for inadvertently making the best case yet against Prop 100, the new law denying bail to illegal immigrants suspected of committing certain felonies. The other day, Thomas announced that Turkish national Haluk "Midnight Express" Kandas had been indicted on four counts of negligent homicide in a 2006 traffic accident that killed a family of four on Loop 101 in Scottsdale.

Believing Kandas was in the country illegally, Candy had his legal beagles demand that Kandas be held without bond, citing Prop 100, which was voted into law last November by 78 percent of the electorate. Seems Kandas confessed to being in the country illegally when he was arrested recently. The judge set bail anyway at $180K because the court requires more than just a confession. About a day later, ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) said Kandas was, despite his statement, in the country legally.

In this owl's opinion, Candy's demonstrated why the prop's an effed-up law, one specifically designed to punish those who aren't white and don't speak English well.

See, the prop states bond can be denied "for serious felony offenses as prescribed by the Legislature if the person charged has entered or remained in the U.S. illegally and if the proof is evident or the presumption great as to the present charge." Though the law does not mention race, in practice the assumption is that if your skin tone's light enough and your English is pretty swell, you won't be bothered by the statute.

Know what probable cause is for this law? DWB: Driving while brown.

"Right now, every brown-skinned person who speaks Spanish is being roped into these things," explained Robert McWhirter of the AZ Attorneys for Criminal Justice, who defends cases involving the new law. "The standard seems to be, 'Is he wet enough?'"

McWhirter's the dood who wrote the book on immigration law — literally: The Criminal Lawyer's Guide to Immigration Law, 2nd ed.He broke down the dilemma with making a snap decision on someone's status to this pesky pelican:

"How many people carry their passport with them, if they have it? Okay, let's say you don't have a passport because you're one of the millions of Americans who've never traveled abroad. Well, how many keep their birth certificate about them? So, if you're put in a Proposition 100 hearing by the County Attorney, how are you going to prove that you are a U.S. citizen? Call your mother in and have her say, 'Oh, yes, I gave birth to him in Detroit?'"

McWhirter says hundreds are being hauled dragnet-style into Prop 100 hearings by Candy's attack dogs, who then try to get the judge to refuse bail based on the Prop 100 law. Candy's bow-wows usually don't have the proof, so the judge sets bail, and Candy denounces the judiciary in press conferences for denying "the will of the people."

Uh, no, the judges are just trying to get it right! People confess to stuff they didn't do all the time, like in the case of Kandas. That's why Candy's lawyers have to present other evidence that shows that the accused (and presumed innocent) may have entered the country, or remained, illegally. It ain't all that easy, though.

For instance, there are people who entered the country illegally and have since become citizens. Do they count under this law? Also, there are a lot of citizens whose English sucks or is nonexistent. Heck, if you've been here long enough, you don't even have to take your freakin' citizenship test in English. So language proficiency is no proof of citizenship.

Indeed, determining someone's legal status is so difficult that it requires a whole system of immigration courts to ensure that no one is denied equal protection under the law and due process. Sorry to all you xenophobes out there, but the U.S. Supreme Court's already found that aliens get due process. So don't even bother opening your redneck pieholes on that one.

What's the big deal about denying bail in instances where bail's normally available? Well, if you or a loved one ever gets popped, rightly or wrongly, for something like forgery or shoplifting, you may find out the hard way, 'specially if you're not Anglo.

The Legislature, under the leadership of Representative Russell "Beaner Basher" Pearce, has just passed a new law meant to cram Prop 100 down the throats of a wary judiciary, to Candy's delight. And it seems as if every other week, the AZ Repugnant's most repugnant columnist, Laurie Roberts, squeals about how Prop 100 isn't getting enforced. But this salty sandpiper's hoping a higher court eventually scraps the ill-conceived law altogether, no matter how many dopes out there voted for it.

If 100 percent of the electorate voted for the repeal of the Bill of Rights, would Roberts, Candy, and Pearce be okay with that, too? Uh, don't answer that.

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5 comments
Mr. Pibb
Mr. Pibb

Tzvi-flea, ain't just the man's fanatical looks. The dude's bad news. That Newsaxon page where he says Turner Diaries is his favorite book. That's fucked up. His "shootout" last year with an undocumented migrant. His double court-martial. The fact Five-O is studying him now. His neoNazi connections. His disruption of the Mesa City Council. Etcetera. Can't be long until he goes Taxi Driver/Timothy McVeigh/VT shooter.

Buddy
Buddy

I must say, it's a pleasure not to know you. Such vitriolic spewings directed at people you don't even know! Shame on you.

Tzvi
Tzvi

Great forensic(k) profiling skills there Mr. P(h)ibb. Perhaps we should hire you to screen all "menacing" looking people from entering our country too. Come to think of it, that sounds like a pretty prejudiced and racist oriented job to suit you well. What do you know? The ones spouting out the names have proven themselves the guilty ones yet again.

MightyMorphin
MightyMorphin

I just love that name "Keno Hawker"!!! Only in Arizona.

Mr. Pibb
Mr. Pibb

This Ready guy looks like a real menace. Cops better stay on his ass like flies on shit. Lemons, watch your back and his front. No telling what the guy will do.

 
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