Cole Haddon needs to take the suburban lock and chain off his brain before he does a review on another hop-hop artist
By Melissa Fossum
By Lauren Wise
By New Times
By Amanda Savage
By Jason P. Woodbury
By Troy Farah
By New Times
Fergie, probably the most lusted-after hip-hop artist in the world, released her solo debut, The Dutchess, last year. It features 13 tracks of brainless dribble, including "London Bridge" and the barely literate "Fergalicious," which, upon topping the charts, proved once and for all that hip-hop often specifically targets the dumbest percentage of our population. Don't believe us? Check out some of the song's lyrics.
But I ain't promiscuous
And if you was suspicious
All that shit is fictitious
What "shit is fictitious," that Fergie is "promiscuous?" As far as we know, she's happily engaged to Las Vegas star Josh Duhamel. When has she ever had a reputation as being "sleazy"? We imagine this is simply an attempt, like the rest of this song, to sound "ghetto," which, to labels, apparently means "stupid."
So delicious (It's hot, hot)
So delicious (I put them boys on rock, rock)
So delicious (they wanna slice of what I got)
Fergalicious (t-t-t-t-t-tasty, tasty)
Seriously, who boasts about how "hot" their vagina is? Someone who's not sleazy and promiscuous? Maybe she has some sort of STD and the burning makes it so hot, hot downstairs. Then again, it's also "tasty." Quite a pickle these lyrics create.
T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty,
T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty
D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the, to the, to the, hit it Fergie
Now, here's what we want to know: Since when is "tasty" spelled "tastEy"? Is this sort of like why her album's title, The Dutchess, is spelled with a "t"?
Fergie is unintentionally ironic. I to the R to the R to the O N I C K.