Fergie, Literally

If not literately

Fergie, probably the most lusted-after hip-hop artist in the world, released her solo debut, The Dutchess, last year. It features 13 tracks of brainless dribble, including "London Bridge" and the barely literate "Fergalicious," which, upon topping the charts, proved once and for all that hip-hop often specifically targets the dumbest percentage of our population. Don't believe us? Check out some of the song's lyrics.

But I ain't promiscuous
And if you was suspicious
All that shit is fictitious

What "shit is fictitious," that Fergie is "promiscuous?" As far as we know, she's happily engaged to Las Vegas star Josh Duhamel. When has she ever had a reputation as being "sleazy"? We imagine this is simply an attempt, like the rest of this song, to sound "ghetto," which, to labels, apparently means "stupid."

Fergie: Check out her big, bouncy lyrics.
Fergie: Check out her big, bouncy lyrics.


Fergie, and Rooney are scheduled to perform on Thursday, July 19. Visit »web link for ticket information.
Dodge Theatre

So delicious (It's hot, hot)
So delicious (I put them boys on rock, rock)
So delicious (they wanna slice of what I got)
Fergalicious (t-t-t-t-t-tasty, tasty)

Seriously, who boasts about how "hot" their vagina is? Someone who's not sleazy and promiscuous? Maybe she has some sort of STD and the burning makes it so hot, hot downstairs. Then again, it's also "tasty." Quite a pickle these lyrics create.

T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty,
T to the A to the S T E Y girl you tasty
D to the E to the L I C I O U S, to the D to the E to the, to the, to the, hit it Fergie

Now, here's what we want to know: Since when is "tasty" spelled "tastEy"? Is this sort of like why her album's title, The Dutchess, is spelled with a "t"?

Fergie is unintentionally ironic. I to the R to the R to the O N I C K.

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Cole Haddon needs to take the suburban lock and chain off his brain before he does a review on another hop-hop artist


Who cares what her song says and how she spells?!!!...unless you don't like women, Mr. Haddon!

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