Big Dipper

The cleated tweeter tackles O.J. Simpson, The PHX's hip-hop Klan war, and Police Chief Harris' second helpings of salary pie

Plus, Goldman squawked to Winfrey that he's really doing it for all the abused ladies out there.

"I hope that one, single woman in an abusive relationship reads this book and says, 'God, that could be me. I have to get out and save my own life,'" Goldman told the talk-show queen. "One single woman will be worth it."

And if you buy that pant-load, well, you'll probably buy the book. Nicole's sis, Denise Brown, ain't buying, though. On the same Oprah episode, she came on after Goldman's appearance like a Harpy outta Hades to denounce him. Brown said his publication of the book was "a morally wrong thing to do." She blasted Fred for betraying the memory of her sister and Goldman's own son.

Fortunately, this amoral avian doesn't have to worry about an ethical dilemma by purchasing the book. He's already read the original version on the free online library scribd.com. In it, Simpson comes off as nuttier than a PayDay bar, killing Nicole and Ron almost on a whim with the assistance of a shadowy figure named "Charlie," who's supposedly the only person who witnessed the entirety of the murders. See, O.J. claims he blacked out during the butchering.

The whole passage is supposed to be "hypothetical." Yeah, and Simpson hypothetically outs himself as a psychopath with a split personality who should be locked in a padded cell for life. Um, hypothetically.

"We haven't touched O.J. Simpson's confession to murder," Goldman informed The Bird as Mr. Mustache packed his bags for the Oprah appearance. "My daughter and I wrote a foreword. There's a prologue by an insider and an afterword by a famous author."

We now know the prologue's by O.J.'s ghostwriter, Pablo Fenjves, who has denied making up Simpson's hypothetical admission of guilt. The afterword? Written by that tiresome old fart Dominick Dunne, who's never seen a wealthy murderer he didn't wanna write about.

Still, for pure gossip's sake, the manuscript's worth perusing. Assuming you can do it for free. Don't bother looking at scribd.com, though. It's since been taken down "at the request of the copyright holder."

That Fred Goldman. He doesn't miss a beat.

HIP-HOP HIGH JINKS

Radio stations are notorious for their publicity-garnering antics, but donning Ku Klux Klan hoods and passing out fliers to a javelina roast? Sounds wack to this warbler, especially when the folks under the hoods are affiliated with a flippin' hip-hop station.

But those are precisely the allegations in a lawsuit filed late August against Power 98.3 by DJ Krazy Kid Stevens (a.k.a. "Darin Damme") of rival hip-hop station 101.5 Jamz. Kid's on there in the a.m. as one-half of the morning show Kid and Ruben.

According to the complaint, a pair of counterfeit Klansmen raided the broadcast studios of 101.5 Jamz — ironically, in the same building as Power 98.3 — on August 13. These witless White Knights allegedly included part-time Power DJ Bootleg Kev and an unknown accomplice. The doofus duo announced they had a meeting with Krazy Kid, who was not crazy enough to actually go out and meet with the hooded nightriders.

The whole caper reminds this wren of that classic episode of Dave Chappelle’s show, in which a redneck's head explodes once a fellow Klansman raises his hood to reveal he's black. Same joke, different skin color.

Eventually, the two ofays amscrayed, leaving behind a flier for a javelina roast with a pic of Kid hunting wild pig that read: "KKK MEETING 8-13-07 @ 8:00 a.m. With a Speech from Acclaimed White Supremacist: KKKID STEVENS. Free Javelina Meal for the first 20 people to arrive!"

One of the two ersatz Invisible Empire members was filming the prank, perhaps for a YouTube upload. The suit describes other Uncle Tomfoolery. Like something involving a CD with the Kid/javelina snapshot, and a Confederate flag design, stating, "The official 100% real Hick-Hop." And another with the same pic and the slogan, "Hunting javelina is not hip-hop."

Okay, we get it. Krazy Kid is a peckerwood DJ who spins mostly black music. But it's not like he's the only one in town.

In fact Bootleg Kev, who's a part-time jock on Power, looks paler than George W. Bush's patootie, judging from Bootleg's MySpace snap. And Power's morning jocks Joeyboy and JPhilla, a.k.a. "Da Nutz," are Hispanic. At least, Power's "President of the Afternoon," late-in-the-day DJ JX3 is African-American. Hey, this beetle-eater's always said we need more black folk in Phoenix. And the city's two hip-hop stations are proving the point.

Kid's lawyer secured an injunction against harassment, ordering Power employees to steer clear of Kid at his residence and business, which means Kid and Bootleg Kev won't be taking the elevator together. And Kid himself has secured the support of another kid, "Kid Sharpton," better known as the Reverend Jarrett Maupin, the once and future mayoral candidate and local head of Al Sharpton’s National Action Network. Maupin denounced the fake Klan incident during a news conference outside the 101.5 Jamz studios, and called on the Federal Communications Commission to get involved.

"I understand silly-ass competition," the Rev told this tweeter. "But they took it too far. What they've done is insult people culturally, racially, and ethnically by having the employee put the pillowcase over his head and dress up like he was in the Klan."

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