Pitiless P-Town

The cranky cockatoo slams callous P-towners, pecks away at (sigh . . .) another bogus "plot" to off Sheriff Joe, and profiles the "Mexican Mutant"

Never has there been a better argument for lie-detector results not being admissible in court, because Black claimed this "informant" passed one at first. (The Bird is asking for the public records on that unbelievable tidbit.)

The MCSO brain trust actually believed Bermudez was helping the Minutemen take out a hit on Joe through big-time narco gangsters! What was the MCSO smokin'?!

Joe's handlers even hustled the lawman and spouse Ava out of their abode, shuttlin' them from one fleabag hole to another. In the Republic's story, Joe gripes about having to eat a Denny's hamburger instead of his Easter ham. He almost sounds like some decrepit dictator, like, say, Cuba's ancient commie leader, Fidel Castro, a doddering figurehead not even in control of his own person.

One horny guy: Hell boy Louie Sanchez III shows off, among other things, his forked tongue.
Stephen Lemons
One horny guy: Hell boy Louie Sanchez III shows off, among other things, his forked tongue.
Tony Blei

"When I have to move out of my house," huffed Arpaio to the Republic, "from one dumpy hotel room to another, I don't blame my staff. It's their job to protect me."

Isn't Joe sentient enough to realize when his dunderheaded deputies don't know their keisters from a groundhog hole? Jesus, if they'd tried hidin' you in Tent City, Joe, would you have gone?

"He doesn't have it upstairs anymore," Bermudez observed to The Bird. "Most of the stuff he puts out in the press, he's practiced and memorized. One-on-one, when he's not guarded, he mumbles, he says incoherent things, he introduces [MCSO flack] Paul Chagolla to me five times in the space of 15 minutes."

MCSO investigators interrogated Bermudez in June about the alleged plot, but Bermudez didn't learn 'til recently that the Sheriff's Office finally had it figured for a crock.

That's why, when The Bird chatted with Bermudez in August about the hubbub over that pic he circulated of Arpaio in Ku Klux Klan garb, Bermudez said he believed he was going to be arrested ("Grand Wizard Arpaio," August 23, 2007).

"The sheriff feels that I might be part of a conspiracy to take his life," Bermudez asserted then.

It ain't the first time the MCSO's been caught chasin' pseudo-Sirhan Sirhans. Most famously, there was 18-year-old parolee James Saville, whom the MCSO unsuccessfully tried to entrap in a fake bomb plot in 1999. A jury eventually acquitted Saville after the poor kid spent four years in the slammer awaitin' trial ("The Plot to Assassinate Arpaio," John Dougherty, August 5, 1999).

"I don't think they've ever confirmed that there's been any sort of plot that didn't originate with the MCSO or someone talking to them," opined Joe foe Mike Manning, who mentioned several "plots" against Arpaio that have bubbled up over the years. "I just think it's an attempt [by the sheriff's office] to create drama where none exists."

HORN DAWG

To this taloned tallywhacker, Louie Sanchez III looks like he leapt right out of the pages of Mike Mignola's Hellboy comic books.

He didn't, but the 27-year-old PHXer has leapt into the pages of the recently published coffee-table tome Ripley's Believe It or Not: The Remarkable Revealed, where he's featured on page 79 in all his horny glory.

See, he's got the largest set of implanted head protuberances in the world: one inch tall with a one-inch-in-diameter base.

Who says size doesn't matter?

"I entered this Dear Mr. Ripley contest for freaky people," Sanchez informed this sandpiper during a meet at the Paisley Violin coffee house. "The prize was a trip to Ripley's Museum at Niagara Falls, and $5K, I think. I didn't win. But a lady from Ripley's got back to me a few months ago and told me I was going to be in the book."

Sanchez is stoked by the fame. Well, added fame. He's already well known in the body-modification community as the "Mexican Mutant" for his horns and his split tongue, among other things. Down in his "junk," as Sanchez calls it, he has genital beading, a ring through his urethra, and a little barbell that sits just beneath the head of his wiener.

He's also got huge, two-inch-wide "eyelets" that hold his earlobes open like a bagel. There were other piercings in his face, but he's taken a lot of 'em out. Still, it's those man-antlers and his tongue that, he bragged, hook him up with the ladies. Currently single, with a vasectomy under his belt, he's been mentioned (believe it or not) as "most fuckable" on BME, or Body Modification Ezine.

"I was at a convention a couple of weeks ago, and one of the girls looked at my horns and was, like, 'Wow, those are cool implants,'" boasted Sanchez to this bemused blackbird. "I lean over, and say, 'You like that? Check this out.' I stuck out my tongue, made the two sides of it clap, and crossed them over. She was, like, 'Ohmygod!' Her boyfriend didn't like it, though."

Sanchez works at PHX's Kaos Softwear, which produces the same extreme jewelry that he wears. The company's co-owned by Steve Haworth, the local bod-mod guru who single-handedly pioneered the genre of 3D body art. Haworth's also known for the flesh-hook suspension group Life Suspended, which he cofounded with performance artist James Bound.

Haworth designed and implanted the horns Sanchez sports, putting them in without any anesthetic back in 2001.

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3 comments
Jango Davis
Jango Davis

Gotbaum was a goddamn drunk and drunk as a skunk at the airport according to the autopsy. A million fucking drunks are left alone prior to booking, why should Gotbaum have been treated differently? Because she was woman? A mother? Rich and important? That seems to be her supporters' response. She was a self-important addict who couldn't even keep her shit together for 5 minutes. I've seen meth accicts and crack heads do better. If she was a single black man you wouldn't give a shit so save your sympathies for the devil.

ChewonThis
ChewonThis

The writer has one thing right: Larry Gaydos is a big douche. I'm tired of hearing him talk about his "thousands of Gaydos peeps" on air. Tens of peeps is more like it. What a loser!

Nathan Fluet
Nathan Fluet

So you are just saying he was born here or used to live here right, because I met him at the last gun show and he said he doesn't live in Phoenix he lives in Nevada and said he wont be back in Phoenix till the next gun show in December.

 
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