The Bird pecks aways at the white hip-hop poseurs in P-town

WIGGA, PLEASE

Comedian D.L. Hughley once quipped that everybody wants to be black 'til the cops roll up. And as The Bird's colleague Niki D'Andrea discussed in her recent cover story, "Raising Terrazona" (January 10, 2008), with Phoenix's African-American population at 5.6 percent, there's a buttload of crackas in this megalopolis tryin' to be black in the PHX rap game.

As you might expect, these wanna-bes don't like being called out as local Jamie Kennedys, Kennedy being the star of the 2003 comedy Malibu's Most Wanted. In the flick, he played a rich, Jewish dork from "the 'Bu," who desperately wanted to be black, though he was as pale and goofy as Josh Groban.

For her story, D'Andrea compared and contrasted two scenes: the long-running Blunt Club (now in Tempe), which draws a predominantly white crowd, with a sprinkling of other colors; and The Door's Groove Candy, which draws mostly African-Americans and a few lighter shades.

Groove Candy founder and Power 98.3 DJ Karlie Hustle, summed up the dichotomy in the cover story.

"There's definitely a division amongst the scenes," squawked Hustle to D'Andrea. "They [the Blunt Club] do have that sort of white hippie, hemp necklace, backpacker, super-hip-hop-nerd group. And then you have a more mainstream 'commercial' community."

Generally, D'Andrea found Groove Candy to be a blacker and more authentic hip-hop night. Hence the piece's subhead: "To put it bluntly, Willy Northpole and the Groove Candy scene represent real Phoenix hip-hop."

Now some fools in both scenes are running around like a buncha thin-skinned bitches claiming D'Andrea's a racist for calling it as she saw it.

D'Andrea ain't racist. Nor is she prejudiced against the Blunt Club, which is emceed by African-American Emerg McVay, who graced the cover of New Times' 2004 Best Of issue. (Merg is one of the few keeping that scene from being whiter than a Miley Cyrus concert.) To the contrary, D'Andrea's given the Blunt Club much love as a writer and editor. She actually wrote up Blunt Club for Spin magazine in 2005, a prop Blunt Clubbers love to tout.

The fact she did this hasn't been mentioned by anyone in the midst of the silly shit storm following "Raising Terrazona," a story that's allowed New Times to do what no other major pub in this burg has the gonads to do: put a black MC on its cover.

Check it: The day after the story hit the streets, Willy Northpole, the rapper on the cover, called D'Andrea to say, "I want to thank you for putting a black, thug-looking man on your cover. That makes a major statement."

So who's pissing and moaning? Well, there's Kim Commons, owner of Club Red, where the Blunt Club's held, who recently wrote a War and Peace-length epistle to the editor announcing he will no longer be advertising in New Times 'cause he regards D'Andrea's article as "one of the most one-sided pieces of 'journalism' I've ever seen."

Kim, New Times does magazine-style journalism — that means journalism with a freakin' point of view. We're not about roasting Ball Park franks, cuddling by the campfire, and singing "Kumbaya." Did you just move to town or something? Do you read our paper?

Every locale that's made a significant contribution to hip-hop has been the scene of competition, beefs, out-and-out feuds, and sometimes, shootouts, whether we're talkin' 'bout The Dirty South, New York or South-Central Los Angeles. Sheesh, ever watch 8 Mile? Though that movie's about one of the few successful white rappers in history — Eminem — the message of the movie is that you can't step to the mic and be a punk.

For too long, the PHX hip-hop scene has been filled to the brim with small-timers, mirror-muggers, and Caucasian clichés. All D'Andrea's done is make an observation. She's had the ovaries to point out that many of these pretenders are of the persuasion of Jamie Kennedy's film character Brad "B-Rad" Gluckman.

That may be why so many wiggas have been whining on the local hip-hop message board Arizonabeats.com, specifically this dumbass "Ill Al the Anglo Saxon," who claims D'Andrea's article was "poorly written and racist." This, despite the fact "Anglo" looks like he and K-Fed share the same gene pool.

Stung by the negative feedback, Karlie Hustle on the same site changed her tune, and suggested D'Andrea was off-base because she is an "an older, white person." Uh, Karlie, D'Andrea is only one year older than you. (D'Andrea's 31; Hustle is 30.) And Hustle's as white as the walls in this warbler's office. To this tail-wagger, Hustle copped a little-known fact: She's of Armenian descent. Maybe her real name's Hustlamanian. On the phone, she talks like any other white chick. But on air, she affects the black, street vernacular.

Let's face it, Hustlamanian talked smack in the article. Then she got called on it, and reversed her position online, saying New Times should be picketed. (Picketed? What does she think this is, the Montgomery Bus Boycott?) Hustlamanian then posted a poll on Arizonabeats.com asking what people thought about the picket idea. Currently, the survey has more respondents stating that they think it's a retarded proposal and will not be participating.