Which female celeb should Marilyn Manson boink next? A few ideas

Rose McGowan. Dita Von Teese. Evan Rachel Wood. They're all talented, beautiful, and they've all been to bed with super-freak Marilyn Manson. Though this will never make sense to us, we can't help wondering what other entertainment types might satisfy Manson's appetite for the bizarre.

Lindsay Lohan: Lohan is beautiful; we'll give her that. Ever since she got "sober," she's been taking some of the best photos of her life. Don't undervalue this quality, because Manson seems to place substantial value on a mate's ability to look good in front of the paparazzi. (Remember McGowan's string dress at the MTV Video Music Awards?) The fact that Lohan is also prone to erratic, often dangerous, behavior — like chasing men down in SUVs — is a cherry on the top of this dysfunctional-flavored cake.

Renée Zellweger: Like Lohan, Zellweger is two shades of pale away from being completely transparent. If the light is shining right, you can actually see her intestines. This, you see, is like crack to Manson; his girlfriends are always in desperate need of sunscreen (which might explain their constant pastiness, come to think of it). On top of being hot, famous, and ghostly, Zellweger also has a thing for musicians (Jack White) and guys posing as musicians (Kenny Chesney).

Could Marilyn Manson make a love connection with Ann Coulter?
Could Marilyn Manson make a love connection with Ann Coulter?

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Marilyn Manson is scheduled to perform on Wednesday, February 27.
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Vanessa Hudgens: Hudgens is young, but don't think that matters to Manson — Rachel Wood was the same age (19) when he dumped wife Von Teese to get with her. Age (or her dark hair, which Manson favors) probably won't be enough to do it, though, so let's look at this from a mercenary perspective: Hudgens could fully shed the good-girl image (the oh-so-all-natural nude photos she took for über-white-bread boyfriend Zac Efron didn't quite erase it), while faux-anti-establishment Manson would benefit from being seen as the corrupter of a sugary-sweet hero to millions of tweens.

Britney Spears: They don't come any crazier than Spears these days. Lohan, for example, would have to try to kill the president with a curling iron just to rank in Spears' loco-sphere. If anybody in the world can relate to Manson's questionable marriage of media manipulation and personal kookiness, K-Fed's babies' mama would be it.

Courtney Love: Actually, scratch that last comment. After a long night of chemical abuse, Spears and Love would both completely get what Manson meant when he complained, "They just don't get me." Oh, Love would. You know it.

Amy Winehouse: Come to think of it, Winehouse would, too. Sorry.

Ann Coulter: We can't imagine a celebrity sex tape we'd be more willing to pay good money to own. There's little doubt Coulter, a notoriously conservative author and hatemonger, would cry her way through the hideous encounter. That alone would make us laugh like giddy schoolchildren, but it's actually the vacant look in her eyes that would follow we'd most want to celebrate. In other words, we're not rooting for this hook-up for Manson's benefit. We just want to see Coulter suffer, and then replay it over and over again.

 
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5 comments
Greg
Greg

I dont think manson would go for any of these. Besides why the hell do you care to write about mansons sex life? Shouldnt you be working on your own? Besides every girl you just named is fucking ugly as sin manson has a bit more class in his choice of ladies if you havent noticed from Rose to Evan rachel wood. None to Mention the guy has had SEX with JENNA JAMASON the porn star, Not sure about fiona apple id surely say i like manson and for the freakshow he is it sure pays off with the girls. Rock on manson!

Tomoyo
Tomoyo

Not only does this present a case that you possibly have nothing to write about, but how is it even timely? A few celebrities are becoming screw-ups, and this relates to Marilyn Manson? It's so random. Leave humor to people who have it, and never be fooled into thinking that you have better taste than a super-freak.

 
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