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The Bird praises L. Ron Hubbard, skewers a bladder-challenged bigot and offers a warning to the Big Cactus

A A A Comments (4) By Stephen Lemons Thursday, Mar 13 2008

But something worries this buzzard about Shaqzilla unrelated to his game. Specifically, the way he snuggled up to Sheriff Joe Arpaio in 2006 while in town with the Miami Heat. Joe wooed The Big Baryshnikov like he was a Honduran cop just up from Tegucigalpa, taking O'Neal on a tour of Tent City and making him a captain in Joe's posse.

"He's a great sheriff," gushed O'Neal at the time to the Arizona Republic. "One of the best."

Danny Hellman

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Now, the Taloned Terror knows O'Neal wants to pursue law enforcement as a career once his dunking days are kaput. Shaq's a reserve officer with the Miami Beach PD, and has aided with collaring criminals in the past.

And The Bird can forgive Shaq for having stars in his eyes while a visitor to Sand Land. But as a Zonie, he needs to know better. Arpaio's flacks would love to score a photo op with our Superman in sneakers, maybe even get his endorsement for Arpaio's re-election bid.

But, Shaq, trust this T-bird: Arpaio is a bad man, and The Bird don't mean "bad" in the good way. He's corrupt and mean, and he wastes the taxpayers' money: $43-plus million in lawsuit payouts and insurance premiums, among other red ink.

Shaq spooning with this scandal-plagued sheriff would be a coup for Arpaio's goons, but a disaster for the real big guy. Plus, there are real lawmen in town Shaq can canoodle with, if he wants. Check out Mesa Police Chief George Gascon, for instance. You may remember him from LA, Shaq.

Shaq, you're smart. And be forewarned: Locals here with more than a couple of IQ points to rub together regard the MCSO as a sick joke.

The Bird's saying: We care about you, Shaq. We sided with you against Kobe Bryant from the start. You're cool; he ain't. So steer clear of our crotchety top constable so that none of his dirt rubs off on you, and Arizona may end up renaming a certain local precipice Camel-Shaq Mountain.

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Jim Williams 03/16/2008 1:19:00 AM

I can rest a lot easier now after having read this last piece of garbage that Lemons wrote. I now understand why he writes at all. Calling himself the bird he naturally needs something to catch all the crap he drops around so he lines his own cage.What helps me rest though is the fact that he can side with Sal Reza and the illegal aliens,calling anyone who is for law enforcement obscene names and praising L.Ron Hubbard.No one can actutally take him seriously.He is comic relief on slow news days. Now that I understand that I can rest easy knowing that no one with half a brain takes him seriosly and that those who do have to be very few because I don't think there are that many stupid people in the valley.I still trust my fellow man more than that.

Luis 03/13/2008 4:19:00 PM

Bird, I hope Shaq reads your message and stays away from Sheriff Joe. I really like the guy and it would be bad, really bad if he endorses veiny-nosed Arpaio in the upcoming elections. Keep the squawking bird, you are the best!

Liberty Goodyear 03/13/2008 2:02:00 PM

Kudos to Anonymous for your efforts to expose and debunk Scientology. It is a scam, a hoax, and a fraud of the highest order. There is nothing that Scientology adds to society or culture. Where are the Scientology charities, like food banks, health agencies, or homeless shelters? Where are the Scientology fundraisers for such endeavors? That's right. There aren't any and there never will be. Scientology is all about self, not others. And that, in a nutshell, is its Achilles heel and will be its downfall. But do not take that to mean that Scientology should be ignored like some harmless little passing fancy. It is dangerous, pernicious and evil. The greater the exposure of the truth about Scientology and its adherents, the sooner society will see that it is not a churh, does not deserve tax exempt status and should be banned in this country.

maggie 03/13/2008 11:01:00 AM

I beg to differ about the avian perception of why Anonymous is taking on Scientology, Inc. While the removal of Tom Cruise video in January was an attention-getter, the attention is sustained by the 'church's' written policy of intimidating those who would speak out against its abuses and "shuddering into silence" anyone who disagrees. In other words, Anonymous came for the TC vid and stayed for the unimaginable abuses of people and the law deployed by this TAX-EXEMPT organization. Most recently, Scientology, Inc. has tried to file a restraining order against Anonymous with trumped-up charges, as if people who sell sooperhuman powerz should be afraid of people with words on signs. Anonymous has helped to remove the fear, and now more people are speaking out. Scientology is worse than you think. Hopefully the forensic accountants can get in there soon.

The Bird praises L. Ron Hubbard, skewers a bladder-challenged bigot and offers a warning to the Big Cactus

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