The Bird exposes Sheriff Joe's racist ties, delves into the Israel Correa madness, and reveals Napolitano as the real Judas

JUDAS JANET

Also on Good Friday, Sheriff Joe, County Attorney Candy Thomas, and Mayor Phil "Goober" Gordon followed a hooded, undocumented Jesus Christ through the streets of Phoenix. They whipped his heavenly backside and taunted him all the way to Phoenix police headquarters, where the Son of God was strung up on a cross.

Eduardo Barraza/Barriozona.com

Crack that whip! Joe, Candy, and the Minutemen show no mercy to illegal Jesus.

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It was a dramatization. The real local officials were likely busy dreaming up new ways to bash real illegal immigrants. Heh, the procession reminds The Bird of New Times' comic feature "The Passion of El Cristo" (September 14, 2006), which imagined what would happen if Jesus came back as an illegal alien named Jesus (you know the pronunciation).

The pageant was the brainchild of Jorge Mendez, a local lawyer and activist whose intent was to draw the obvious parallels between New Testament times and now. The march, made up of 50 or so people, started in the parking lot of Maricopa County Supervisor Mary Rose Wilcox's El Portal restaurant. You can watch a video of the procession, titled Via Crucis, at the local bilingual journalism site barriozona.com.

One fly in the holy ointment: Governor Janet Napolitano was supposed to be depicted as Judas Iscariot, appropriate considering that the pseudo-progressive Dem signed the employer-sanctions law last year, a bill engineered to drive Mexicans from the Zona.

Seems Mendez reluctantly axed Nappy's appearance at the request of Wilcox, a political ally of the Guv's.

"'It's not really what you think, Jorge,'" Mendez remembered Wilcox saying. "'She's doing many things [for the Latino community] that nobody can know.'"

Indeed, this taloned tallywhacker figures whatever Manet's doing to help Hispanics persecuted by AZ authorities is being kept a really big secret. You know, like Manet's sexual orientation.

Mendez caved out of respect for Wilcox, replacing Manet as Judas with Goober Gordon. But since the Napster back-stabbed the Hispanic community in 2007, this Foghorn Leghorn figures she really deserves to be Judas, even if it means Janet would have to kiss a man for a change (as Judas did to Christ back in the day).

One thing Mendez did get right: Joe's participation as a whip-wielding Roman guard. See, after the aforementioned Good Friday press conference, The Bird asked our sadistic sheriff, "If Jesus Christ came back as an illegal alien, Joe, would you arrest him?"

Joe immediately turned to Paul Chagolla, one of his legion of overpaid flacks, and demanded, "What should I say, Paul?"

Ultimately, Arpaio declined to respond. But that's okay. We already know the answer to that one.