Booze Pig's looking for the missing "T" at Closing Soon Saloon

I return to the bar and Kool orders a round, but Doug, one of the drunken guys next to us, waves her off and says, "I've got it. Get them a drink," and then it happens! I sense something in my bones, like when wolves in the frozen tundra can tell minutes before an earthquake hits, and I hear him slur it, "Get them a drink, too," as he points to his right. Patrick shyly asks, "Who?" Doug responds with a wave of his arm, "Allofem. Get everyone's ah drink, alls of us."

Doug eyeballs Patrick superciliously and pushes him the money. Patrick springs to life and starts pouring and placing shot markers. I have to pinch myself. Am I in a scene from Barfly? I'm at peace with life for the moment; I lift my glass high and let out, "to Doug!" and slam my entire free drink. Yes, free drinks do taste better!

I figure he bought us drinks because Kool was young and cute, but it turns out this guy just wants everyone to have a good time. I cannot complain a bit. I feel profound contentment here, no matter how nice it is outside.

I look at Kool and then I notice a stack of orange construction cones behind her. WTF? She gives me the same quizzical look, but I say, "Why don't we stay here?" Kool chuckles, parting her lips coyly, "Like, forever?"

With little-boy excitement, I say, "Yes, we can take these cones and make a fort or boundary and we can see how long we can live here!" They have cheap corndogs and pizza and popcorn and chips and beer and booooooze. Come on, let's do it!

"What has gotten into you?" As she laughs, she leans away, just a tad scared at the thought of being near me for more than an hour.

Doug lets out another declaration, "Get another round for everyone," and he puts on some Barry White for the third time. "Can't get enough of your love, babe," and he does a little Caddyshack shuffle. Kool laughs, and I can't stop grinning ear to ear. We spend our last $6 on two more drinks, and I listen to Barry belt out that chorus, and it's clear that I'm in love — not with how I look in the mirror, not with spring, not with a woman, but with booze!

Shit, spring will be here again next year, but maybe the booze won't be? Maybe I'll have found a new love? (Ha! this is a long shot.) I better make love while I can. Well, at least 'til spring has cum and gone.