We were pleasantly confounded recently when KTARs sports-radio kingpin John Gambadoro stood up to be counted in favor of football the other kind. Of course, this was during a 10-minute tirade against English cricket, so it was probably relative, but still soccer! Even Gambos partner, Mark Asher, was taken aback, blubbering something along the lines of, Now, Gambo, heres da ting . . . You can count us in favor of fútbol, too, though there would have to be about 20 million more of us for pro soccer to mean jack-squat here in Fortress America, the only place in the world, seemingly, that doesnt understand the thrill of World Cup or the exhilaration of being stomped by a dude in steel-toed boots during a brawl. Anyhoo, Gambadoro, after weighing his enthusiastic endorsement for a bit, wound up ratcheting things down to lukewarm after concluding that, all things being equal, hes rather do a number of other things with his life than watch dudes in knee-high socks make 12 shots on goal in 60 minutes. And hes right, of course. Professional soccer has absolutely no future here. Its a game of stealth and strategy, a contest to see which team can choke the life out of the other most slowly. Thats why its always failed here and why it always will. Still, that hasnt kept a lot of desperate, delusional people from trying, as they will once more during the match between the Red Bulls and Mexican superteam Chivas. Heres da ting: Why not down a few ADD poppers and give it a shot? Whaddaya got to lose other than 60 minutes of your life featuring 12 shots on goal?
Wed., June 25, 8 p.m., 2008