Boston gets Michael Sweet, thanks to some divine intervention

One day last year, Michael Sweet — frontman of the Christian metal band Stryper — was sitting down with a bowl of Cheetos to watch a Law & Order marathon when his cell phone rang.

Michael Sweet: Hello?

God: Hey, Michael, it's me, God.

Sweet: No fuc — I mean, no way! I was wondering when I'd actually get to speak to you. I always figured I'd hear your voice in my head, though.

God: Yeah, I know, but I just got this new iPhone and wanted to try it out. Anyway, my son, you've done a lot for me over the years, but I have one more mission for you.

Sweet: You want me to tour with Stryper again?! You want me to dress up in the yellow and black?!? And throw Bibles into the crowd and sing your praises and . . .

God: No, no, no. Look, no offense, but that stuff was kinda corny. No, I have something else in mind for you. You know the band Boston? Well, as you probably heard, their singer, Brad Delp, recently committed suicide. Which, of course, didn't do much for his chances of getting into heaven, but we're still trying to work that one out. Anyway, the thing is . . . well, I really love Boston. That song "Smokin'," with that killer organ solo, I mean, how good is that?! And "More Than a Feeling" — I can rock out to that one for, like, all of eternity! I can't hear that one enough.

Sweet: I guess you don't listen to classic rock radio, then.

God: Not so much. But, see, ever since Brad killed himself, I've been missing hearing those songs played live. So what I need you to do, my son, is to go and join Boston and lead them on another world tour. Play those songs again for me. Make your God happy!

Sweet: B-b-but, I can't replace Brad Delp!

God: Sure you can! You're the only one who can do it. You can hit the high notes in "Long Time" as if your shorts are three sizes too small. I believe in you! Oh, and I'll give you some help, too. There's this fellow named Tommy DeCarlo — he works at a Home Depot in North Carolina, and in his spare time he sings just like Brad and records Boston covers and puts them up on his MySpace page. Seek him out and bring him on tour with you and Tom Scholz and the rest of the boys.

Sweet: Do you really think it's going to be any good?

God: Of course it is! But don't worry — I'll have you co-headline the tour with Styx. Anything will sound great compared to that.