The Bird revels in Sheriff Joe's decline, slams Mark Spencer's false hysteria, and explains why "illegals" ain't criminals

 MR. PITIFUL

Why, The Bird's never seen Sheriff Joe Arpaio lookin' so used up and beat as he appeared at the Barnes & Noble in Surprise during a recent Saturday-afternoon book-signing for Joe's Law, which was ripped a new one by the Taloned One's stenographer the other day ("America's Meanest Sheriff Buffaloes Readers," June 26).

With bags under his eyes and an expression on his puss that could give a mule a run for its dolo, poor ol' Joe looked as if he were about to roll over and croak of exhaustion right there amidst a gaggle of adoring, blue-haired colostomy-baggers. The only thing that seemed to pep up the 76-year-old MCSO Methuselah was the arrival of this ticked-off toucan as Nickel Bag Joe was finishing his remarks.

"Here's that guy from the New Times," Joe barked half-heartedly. "That was a very vicious article you wrote about my book-signing, slander and everything else. Keep it up."

Vicious, perhaps, but truer than anything folks will find in Joe's book, this tweeter replied. The oldsters in-house from nearby Sun City booed, shook their wrinkled fists, and ordered The Bird out! Jumpin' Geritol addicts, it was like having to take on the entire casts of The Bucket List, The Golden Girls, and Murder, She Wrote all at once.

Talk about vicious!

Makes The Bird wonder . . . Why are so many Valley oldsters so misguided and so willing to cast ballots for our corrupt top constable?

But, then, some of the best tips this cranky cockatiel gets are from sly silver foxes out there. So The Bird figures the more senile you are, the more apt you are to support mean ol' Uncle Joe. Those retaining their faculties are likely to want to put Joe out to pasture in November.

The Sun City cemetery patrol bought at least 80 books that afternoon, but nothing seemed to raise Joe's flagging spirits. After all, it's been a bad couple of weeks for the dyspeptic septuagenarian.

First, the younger, better-looking Mesa Police Chief George Gascon outsmarted and outmaneuvered Arpaio over Joe's poorly executed anti-immigrant sweeps in that city. As everyone knows, the sweeps are all about Joe's strutting for the press. But the once-fearsome sheriff wussed out, opting to hold his press conference for the sweep at MCSO headquarters on the 19th floor of the Wells Fargo Building in downtown Phoenix, while Gascon and Arpaio enemies like Dan Saban made the scene, garnering cheers from the crowd.

Up on the 19th floor, in full uniform, Joe flailed his arms and bitched about Gascon's "garbage" like a bitter old queen, or an ofay version of Zimbabwe's dictator Robert Mugabe, take your pick.

Instead of setting up a command center for the operation at the Mesa MCSO substation or at some other locale in town, MCSO deputies seemed as though they were the ones on the run, furtively eluding activists hell-bent on recording their every move, like those from the Phoenix-based Copwatch. According to Copwatch, the MCSO would set up a base of operations in a supermarket parking lot, for instance, only to wrap it up and move out to parts unknown once the ad hoc command post was discovered by roaming activists.

This didn't stop the MCSO from making arrests of suspected illegal immigrants, but the damage was already done, PR-wise.

Coincidentally, on day one of the disastrous Mesa dragnet came the Arizona Republic's revelation that Joe's essentially a sheriff for hire, taking $4,000 from Turf Paradise racetrack owner Jerry Simms, Simms' family members, and others affiliated with Simms' track. Simms has been linked to mob frontman Alan Glick in the past, but that didn't stop Joe from taking Simms' scratch or the MCSO from instituting an investigation of Arizona's Racing Department, on Simms' behalf (see the Valley Fever blog post "Meet Joe Arpaio's new best buddy . . ."). Sheriff's Office flack Paul Chagolla said it was because the MCSO got a tip on the Racing Department, and were duty-bound to investigate.

Guess where that tip came from? Simms' lawyer, Gerald Alston. And the MCSO took it up only after two other law enforcement agencies turned the case down.

Joe's recent troubles began as much as a week before these debacles, with the massive anti-Joe demonstrations unleashed on the Board of Supervisors, who, for the most part, continue to back Joe, despite the heat they're getting for doing so.

But the PR nightmare engendered by the sea of demonstrators inside and outside the Supes meeting was not helped by Chief Deputy David Hendershott, who went ballistic outside the meeting on Channel 12 News reporter Joe Dana.

Dana wanted to know why Hendershott had vacationed in China and, while there, stayed in the same hotel as a county contractor that supplies facial-recognition technology to the MCSO. You know, the same facial-recognition technology that the MCSO's ongoing Honduras Operation uses.

Henderblimp flipped out, accusing Dana of being guilty of a Class 6 felony, just for inquiring into his travel to exotic lands. Sounds like Dana hit a nerve.

After Henderblimp's eruption, the retreat in Mesa, and the revelation of Joe's servile attitude toward a shady donor, it's no wonder that Arpaio, the one-time colossus, resembled a shriveled-up, discarded tamale husk. The Bird half-expected Joe to start crooning that old Otis Redding hit "Mr. Pitiful." Save for the fact that Redding sung his classic soul ditty about a man made pitiful by a woman. Arpaio's been made pitiful by himself and his top employee.

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30 comments
ROBIN
ROBIN

north american union you simple a$4 puccis who are following joe. your a$$es will soon be in a jail cell with him. you will be the illegals while the mexicans will be the legals. lets see what yopu do then

Capt Crunch
Capt Crunch

It's fortunate that we have the Arizona Democrat for a newspaper, now you have some place to releive yourself, Bird

Capt Crunch
Capt Crunch

It's fortunate that we have the Arizona Democrat for a newspaper, now you have some place to releive yourself, Bird

Capt Crunch
Capt Crunch

It's fortunate that we have the Arizona Democrat for a newspaper, now you have some place to releive yourself, Bird

Reality Check
Reality Check

Hey Robin from NYC. Just because we expect people to abide by the law does not make us racist or bigots. You asked what burden that women going to work was on the rest of us. Ask the person who's social security number she was using to get that drivers license or to get that job. We are not saying that we do not accept minorities. I am assuming that most of the people here are like myself and are not white. But there is a legal way to do it. We have these rules for a reason. You may not agree with it or like it but it part of what makes this country work. If you cannot follow the rules then don't come here. It is not a race issue so quit trying to make it one.

robin
robin

to all the bigots and racists on the board. FYI this country is and was built on the backs of minorities. all of you racists and bigots have done is rob is more and more everyday. ex the government. cops, etc. wtf have you done to build up any kind of relationship or housing or jobs in america? oh wait i know. you hired the minorities to work for you because its cheaper to pay 5-6 dollars a hour to them then the 12-15 dollars you would have to pay americans. as the article states the lady who got arrested was on her way to work. so exactly what hardship was she on any of you? and reality is. go stand your ignorant asses outside of the supermarkets or welfare offices and watch how many more white people come out then minority. and NO THEIR NOT THERE TO WORK. THEY'RE THERE TO COLLECT FOODSTAMPS AND SECTION8 LIKE OTHERS. also who are the real criminals its ALWAYS HAS BEEN AND ALWAYS WILL BE THOSE WHITE PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY BELIEVE THEY ARE THE CHOSEN RACE. if your really the chosen race. then there was a mistake made when GOD made adam and eve seeing as how you enslaved races, stole land from other races, and when you cant get something legally, go about it illegally, ex. social security, a war no one wants or needed. and another FYI FOR AlL YOU STUPID FUGGING BIGOTS AND RACISTS. GO READ UP ON THE REAL REASON FOR THE WAR. ITS CALLED THE NORTH AMERICAN UNION. those mexicans your deportating by the hundreds of thousands everyday will soon be more american then you. and just think they didnt have to enslave nor steal the land to get it.

Reality Check
Reality Check

Well lets break this down. Yes, crossing illegally is a civil offense punishable by penalty and deportation...blah blah blah. Unless these people are sitting in the desert after the get here with their thumbs up their asses they have to be breaking the law in a criminal nature at some point in time. They come here for a better life which requires them to work. They have to be leagl to do that and most likely they need a Social Security number. That means they would have to steal someone's identity to do that. They also most likely need to drive to that job. Either they are driving illegally or they are using a Social Security number that is not theirs to obtain a drivers license. So tell me again how they are not criminals. Have you been in an auto accident with one of these illegals? I have. Guess who had to pay out the ass even though they hit me while trying to outrun the police becuase they were doing something they weren't supposed to. Have you had your identity stolen by an illegal so they could live a better life? I have, twice. I'm still trying to clean up the mess from that. I can't get a decent job because they check my credit and I still can't get a checking account. I can't buy that house for my kids and I to live in because my credit was screwed by someone wanting a better life at my expense. All this because some illegal jackass wanted a better life. Now that is criminal no matter how you phrase it.

Proud American
Proud American

The dictionary defines a criminal as one who is guilty of a crime. It does not distinguish if it is a felony or misdemenor. Therefore Illegals are criminals. The Bird stated that she "apperantly" had a valid Arizona drivers license. How did she have that unless she used a stolen Social Security number. Again another crime. If she worked here she had to fill out paperwork that askes if she has legal status to work. Did she lie on legal documents in order to obtain work? If they wanted a better life then they should have taken the proper steps to come here legally like my grandfather did. Yes their story is sad, but they knew the consequences of their actions if they were caught. The Bird also stated that she had no criminal background but that was just becuase she never gotten caught until now. The only ones I feel sorry for are the children that did not ask to get caught up in all this drama and did not have a choice. The parents knew they were breaking the law when they came here and they still choose to do it and they chose to bring children into it. They broke the law so don't blame the police for enforcng it. And the previous person who blasted the Vet should be ashamed of himself. It is because of Vets selflessness that you are able to post what a dumbass you are for all of us to read. Have some respect for those who serve our country.

cadzema
cadzema

We have at a minimum of five hundred thousand 500,000 illegal aliens in living and prospering in OUR state of Arizona!

Personally!!!! SEND THEM ALL HOME, TO THEIR BELOVED HOMELANDS!

Conversely, this is the United States of America

READ THIS EVERYDAY!!!!

"...And Hillary almost got herself indicted for perjury and obstruction of justice (she avoided it mostly because she repeated, "I do not recall," "I have no recollection," and "I don't know" 56 times under oath)."

Rule #1 when dealing with police

Question: "The police are here. They want to talk to me. What should I do?"

Answer: "Make no statement to the police under any circumstances."

- Supreme Court Justice Robert Jackson

Got it?

�I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it,'�

Voltaire

Prior Phx Resident
Prior Phx Resident

America is happy to have the cheap labor of humans unfortunately born on the wrong side of a manmade line.

The US Constitution says all *people* are created equal - not all citizens. That is a value we are respected for worldwide.

How many times must we attack each new cultural group that has come to our country (we claim to be the wonderful melting pot)- we took the land from the Native Americans and killed most of them, we shipped Africans here for slavery, we've hated Irish, Italian, German, Jews, Chinese, Japanese...

If you are Christian which most of this nation claims to be: How would Jesus treat these people (most of them more religiously devote, hardworking-protestant work ethic and caring of their family and elders than Americans)

"Give me your tired, your poor,Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me.I lift my lamp beside the golden door."

These are not "illegals", the war on migrant workers with it's gotcha enforcement is inhumane.

Bird Stomper
Bird Stomper

lemons is a fat piece of shit. He sucks cock all day long, and has a fetish about Arpaio. He wants to suck Joe's dick......long time. I can't wait for the chaos to start.

Equally Offened in Tolleson
Equally Offened in Tolleson

Cooper- That comment you made was extremely offensive and you need to check yourself before spewing BS like that!!! I am tired of people like you trying to ride on the coat tails of the civil rights movement to justify the actions of people ILLEGALLY coming to this country.First of all, changing the word "illegal" to "Black" would make no sense because most Black people are here LEGALLY and are CITIZENS of this country which is drastically different from being ILLEGAL and SNEAKING into this country! Black people did not SNEAK into this country - they were brought here. That makes a huge difference. The other is that unlike illegals, Blacks were KIDNAPPED and brought here so even if they wanted to go back they have no country to go back to that will accept them. This is not the case for the illegals. Instead of doing what they can do to change their own county as a group(I mean there are 12 million illegals here.... how many are from Mexico? You mean to tell me that with all of those people they can't go back to their country and fight for change?), they'd rather come here. Instead they hope that if they have enough American born babies that they can stay and then when those babies grow up, they complain because they cannot get FEDERAL GRANTS like other AMERICAN TAX PAYING CITIZENS to go to college? Who told them that this was owed to them when they weren't supposed to be in this country to begin with? So no, I do not have sympathy for people who sneak into this country. If anything I have sympathy for the kids because their parents used them to stay when they know that there was a huge chance that they would be sent back. Meanwhile, there are people who are trying to do the right thing and come in LEGALLY and they can't because there's so many illegals here already. I heard one woman tell me that her cousin who wanted to come to the US and was going through the process LEGALLY is thinking about just finding her way to Mexico and coming through there instead! So what about those who are trying to do it the right way? So no sympathy here....Obviously you have never had your children go to a school that is OVERRUN by illegal children and then be told that despite tax dollars you are paying there's not enough books. Perhaps you haven't pulled into your neighborhood to hear Mexican music playing at the top of it's volume, chickens running around in your yard and not being able to go to the store and talk to the clerk because they, along with everyone else around you only speaks spanish I'm sorry but why should I learn a new language so that they can live in our country? So say what you want but you will be the one in 2024 wondering why your children or even you can't afford anything in this country or why our country is slowly resembling the countrries that they've fled from. Until then, I suppose you and others who would like to welcome EVERYONE into this country and will continue to use the Black Holocaust or other tragedies of the CITIZENS of this country and try to compare it to people who SNEAK in.

Omar Tentmaker
Omar Tentmaker

Guess what. Joe's going to win again in the next election.

CooperG
CooperG

In and of itself, being a vet (are we talking war veteran or just military service?) doesn't make you an expert in anything other than what you did in the military. It doesn't make you an expert on the law, it doesn't make you an expert in immigration enforcement. You're just like everyone else.

The vast majority of information people around here think they know about immigration is a lie. If you get your news from a blog, it's likely a lie. If you get your news from some strictly everyone-believes-like-I-do "news" website, it's likely a lie. How would you like it if laws that you were likely to fall under were based on lies? Is that the American Way? Is it "Democracy" to base laws on information based in deceit and racism?

I propose this test. In any argument you make against undocumented immigrants, change the word "illegal" to Black. Does it change the meaning? Change "illegal" to "Jew." Does that change the meaning? If so, it's racist.

Revenge
Revenge

Bucky, you are either a liar or a complete motherfucking idiot. Let's see which. Your quote:

"Of course being here is a crime. Unlike the example of a broken taillight, it is a felony."

A felony? Cite the law, fucknut. Give us a link. Or SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!

Phoenix awaits your reply...If you've got the cojones to give one.

bucky
bucky

Of course being here is a crime. Unlike the example of a broken taillight, it is a felony. On top of that, most illegal aliens are also using stolen ID in the form of Social Security numbers in order to be able to hold a job. That too is a felony. It is identity theft and fraud. Were I to committ such a crime, I would be sentenced to prison. So too should the illegal alien using false identification.

We can only hope that the ignorant bird finds himself on the wrong side of an ID theft to provide an education to the dodo.

Vector 7
Vector 7

"For most illegal aliens in Phoenix, it is 8 USC 1325 that applies, and it is a crime."

Then prove it in court. That's like someone saying posession of pot is a felony, and we can assume that most people in South PHX are guilty of this crime.

But cops don't get to make that leap. You gotta have probable cause, make the charge, take it to court. So, no, it does not apply.

The border patrol does this. Why, because they catch them crossing the desert, not 14 fucking years after they've been here. Jesus.

vini_vidi_vici
vini_vidi_vici

Aliens entering the country by avoiding examination or inspection is guilty of 8 USC 1325 - Improper entry by alien. The first offense is a misdemeanor, the second is a felony. Being in the country illegally can mean a number of things - sneaking across a border, overstaying a visa, etc. For most illegal aliens in Phoenix, it is 8 USC 1325 that applies, and it is a crime. While ICE handles the vast majority of these cases administratively, not criminally, the Border Patrol, under Operation Streamline, is bringing hundereds of 1325 charges a month in Arizona.

Nunya
Nunya

It seems that you are implying that by enforcing the immigration laws that the MCSO broke up this family. Which is of course completely untrue. They all can go to Mexico and see thier mom/wife, no problem. What a slanted piece of crap story. You guys are just as bad as the AZ republic.

S.J.Y.
S.J.Y.

Back at you again! I never said that being a vet or Blackexcludes a person from being anything, but can your narrow mind grasp that a person who has lived through certain events may have a greater understanding of them than a person who has not. As a vet and like many other vets, I served my country to protect our way of life, people and our rights, Like the free speech you and I are enjoying right now! Now if you feel inclined to give these things away and not respect vets, I consider you to be a pitifulperson. Come to our country legally, pitch in and enjoy, do not come here illegally and be a burden on our strected too thin economy, then cry foul when you get caught! Call me a biggot if you want but I spent 20 years protecting your ass!think about it! have you helped a disabled vet yet? or just folks who are not supposed to be here anyway?

Number88
Number88

Regarding the home invasion that occurred in Phx Mark Spencer and Ankkkarlo should be put in jail for giving false information on a first degree murder case after the Phoenix Assistant Police Chief Andy Anderson gave them the facts of the case and clarified the situation and told Ankarlo Spencer�s comments are only interfering with an ongoing investigation, but not having enough of his Panic Attack Ankarlo goes to Glenn Becks�s show on a national radio show and basically ignored what Mr. Anderson had said and went into another panic attack.

Clearly Ankkkarlo is just bringing attention to false reports (Spencer�s) only to sell his stupid book.

You can hear it all in this link, things got a little heated on that show and at the end Andy Anderson kicked Ankarlo�s ass.

http://ktar.net/blogs/dankarlo...

H.Y.P.D.
H.Y.P.D.

Re: being black and a decorated vet: being black does not excuse ur bigoty. Quite the contrary, you should know better. But there are black bigots out there. Louis Farrakhan and Ward Connerly, to name a couple.

As for the decorated vet part, whoop-di-doo. Being a decorated vet does not make you infallible, nor does it make your opinion of immigration worth more in the balance. Guess who else was a decorated vet: Timothy McVeigh, DC sniper John Allen Muhammad, Hitler, the list goes on.

You say you know the law, then get it through your thick Peoria skull: being in the country illegally is a civil, not a criminal offense. Neither your opinion, nor the color of your skin, nor your vet status changes that fact.

S.J.Y.
S.J.Y.

Back at you freak! As far as being a Peoria shit kicker I happen to be Black and a decorated vet. To me you are another mindless slug who has risked nothing for anyone else, but feel free to spout your B.S. I know what racism is and being labled. I know the laws and live by them, how about you? When you get your head out of your butt get back to me. You would make a great poster child for birth control.

HeyYouPeoriaDumbass
HeyYouPeoriaDumbass

"If you break the law you are a criminal, cut and dry." So, if you're ticketed for a busted tail light or are caught jaywalking, that makes you a criminal? Of course it doesn't, you pay the fine and that's the end of that. Being in the country illegally is about the same level of offence. There's a fine that could be imposed (but never is from my understanding), and if you sign a voluntary removal, they take you to the border.

If it makes you feel good to label everyone who's present in the country illegally a criminal, go for it, a-hole. But just some shitkicker from Peoria saying it doesn't make it so. Check the law, dickless, before you go mouthing off with your bigoted bullshit, which happens to be WRONG!

S.J.Y.
S.J.Y.

If you break the law you are a criminal, cut and dry. What if you took 10,000 bank robbers and had a march or two and claimed they did it to have better lives? Or say thousands of people who cheated on their taxes years ago and are just now being caught? You could say "hey, I broke that law years ago it does not matter now. I know all imigrants have a sad story and they are all being unfairly persecuted by "The Evil Gringo". I guess I need to teach my childrenthat laws don't matter when you have safety in numbers.

Concerned Citizen
Concerned Citizen

The gross injustice we talk about in fighting off tyrants in other countries, when the true reality is our crimes against humanity in our own country. The tyrants in power acting like a Third World country here in Maricopa County put everyone at risk. The comment above shows the sick mentality that is behind all this and behind Arpaio and Thomas. The whole idea of America was one of tolerance, openness, new ideas, and freedom for all. This land of opportunity is being destroyed by hatred and bigotry and threatening the future of our children. This 4th of July is a reminder of what freedom means -- we are not "living free" in Maricopa County AZ when families are being crushed in "the system". It's shameful.

Lynch M All
Lynch M All

I hope that ICE and the MCSO are actively hunting down the husband and daughters of Ortega-Enriquez.

Obama, '08. Where's James Earl Ray, Jr. when you need him?

Concerned Citizen
Concerned Citizen

Great work, Stephen, at getting the truth out about Arpaio, and his authoritative personality. 16 years in power is way too long. It's time for him to go. His supporters give us the creeps. It's time to get into the 21st Century. Arizona wake up! It's time to get rid of the reign of terror we have been enduring for too long. Out with corruption, abuse of power -- Arpaio and Andrew Thomas and Russell Pearce, former deputy sheriff. and their legislative "protector".

Thanks for the series, so the public can put the jigsaw puzzle together.

Hummingbird Systems?? Is former Gov. Symington involved with that company in some way?

Vote for Dan Saban for Sheriff and Gerald Richard for County Attorney.

david saint
david saint

I hadnt heard about the Kent Dana ordeal, but im starting to love that guy. Hes really sticking it to ol joker. About time, not like its rocket science considering they just assume everyone will take their word on it. And if not, they play the spin card, which usually has more holes in it than a civ. Much like Joes brain these days. Kudos to Chief Gascon for showing joe the political ropes, or corner that is. And joes tirades are sounding more and more like a little kid in the sandbox, kicking, flailing, screaming "its my party and ill cry if i want to"...

CooperG
CooperG

More outstanding observations by the Bird. Arpaio's looking more and more like an overblown windbag of bravado with no substance. He's not making us safer. He's dividing us.

Do we really want to listen to four more years of this?

 

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