By Monica Alonzo
By Stephen Lemons
By Jason P. Woodbury
By Dulce Paloma Baltazar Pedraza
By Ray Stern
By Pete Kotz
By Monica Alonzo
By New Times
Seattle: Any tortilla mi abuelita makes is good.
St. Louis: Corn tortillas are superior. Flour tortillas were only invented because stupid gringos were getting sick eating corn tortillas because they forgot the lime water step.
Philadelphia: I cannot pick one/Corn or flour I have won/I love my torts! Yum!
New York: Corn tortillas come from the domain of the Aztec diosa, Chicomecoátl. Has anyone heard of a goddess of flour? Flour tortillas are malnourished arepas. ¡Guácala!
Salt Lake City: Corn is native to the Americas, wheat is an import. Besides, corn masa wears out your teeth faster so you can replace them with gold.
Tulsa: Flavor? Corn rules. Versatility? Corn version wins with tostadas, chilaquiles, enchiladas, chips, flautas, or tacos. The flour tortilla improves only after eating the competition's dust.
San Francisco: Whole-wheat tortillas for my gringo comida. Corn tortillas tend to be la variedad blanca de elote, so I make sure I'm not getting Bisquick!
Eugene: I am gluten intolerant. Corn tortillas do not make my ass bleed. Also, they don't taste like that paste stuff kids use in elementary school.
Monterey: I use flour tortillas to wrap the leftover Chinese food from last night and nuke it for about a minute. Mu shu pork, kung pao shrimp — best!
Las Vegas: Flour tortillas are greater than corn/The latter type deserves only scorn/Corn tortillas do naught but annoy/Flour tortillas are soft discs of joy!
Dallas: Mexicans suffer more from diabetes. Flour spikes glucose like a shot of tequila. Not so with corn. So they are better. Not funny, just true.
Louisville: At my supermarket, flour tortillas come in three sizes. If they are better than corn tortillas, why are they still trying to get them right?
Houston: You get more corn tortillas per package at a cheaper price. So it is easier to feed the many mouths we Mexicans are known for.
Kansas City: Corn tortillas are better because flour tortillas are like gabachos — plain and boring — yet corn tortillas come in many colors and sizes, like Mexicans.
Flagstaff: Flour tortillas could never, ever be true blue.
Albuquerque: Real Mexicans eat real homemade corn tortillas. Pasty, white Mexicans eat processed flour tortillas made at the gabacho Mexican restaurants. Then they get food poisoning.
Denver: Tortillas de maíz are the best. There are more in a bag than tortillas de harina and they are delicious con tacos de carne asada.
Tucson: Flour tortillas are better because La Virgen only appears on the flour tortillas. If it's good enough for La Virgen, it's good enough for me.
San Diego: Because mi abuelita y mi jefa only made tortillas de harina while growing up in Fallbrook, con mantequilla, con huevos, con menudo y con frijoles!
Sacramento: Corn tortillas are the best. I am allergic to flour, but who can't eat corn? And how do you pick up your beans without tortillas?
Los Angeles: Is this a trick question? No one who has ever had a genuine, fresh handmade corn tortilla should ever have to ask such a pregunta!
San Antonio: I'll take flour tortillas. Who needs a healthy tortilla or heart? Save corn for ethanol, and the pinche environment. Mexicanos need to stay fat, anyways.
Orange County: Why are corn tortillas better than flour? First and foremost, flour is way unhealthier than corn. More importantly, because I fucking said so. The end.
Top five entries from loser places that don't run the Mexican
• Corn is the dominant grass on the planet. Wheat is the choice of fey Euros. Make muchas tortillas, not ethanol, gabachos. Word to your madre.
• Masa is what our ancestors used for almost everything; flour tortillas are an innovation that only drunken frat boys consume for their late-night burritos.
• Corn tortillas are better because the Indians were eating them before the Spanish came and weren't fat. Because of flour, we are fat as hell!
• Maíz is much better. If I don't eat both of them with my meal, I can sell one to Exxon to make E-85 fuel, ¿que no?
• Comparing tortillas is like comparing a blond American to a mexicanita gorda — they both taste great! Roll/fold 'em over. Insert huevos, chorizo, y crema!
The Mexican on YouTube!
The Mexican now offers ustedes an online-only question every week through the powers of a pirated Camcorder. Submit your video preguntas and responses at youtube.com/askamexicano, and view the latest edition every week. Preference given to spicy señoritas! And, as always, continue sending your questions to »e-mail link.