Thanks for the Mammaries

If we had the self-awareness 18 years ago that we have now, we would have dropped more blouses at wet T-shirt contests. Alas, we were young and foolish, and had no real inkling of the limited shelf life of perky hooters.

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Life may be over for us, but still-bouncy ladies have a chance to get it right during the Busty Boobs & Thong Contest. Creepy E of 98 KUPD signs up ladies every week, and club manager Chris Pfaff says the Creep is "amazing when it comes to getting people wild and ready to party."

Gravity-defying breasts make you yawn? Then work on that levitating gut with 1-cent tacos, 10-cent wings, 50-cent Coors Light drafts, 99-cent Jäger bombs, and 99-cent margaritas.