This pious partridge asks for blessings for Darrell Ankarlo, Candy Thomas, and all the other corrupt politicos in Sand Land

PENGUIN PRAYER

This week, Bird lovers, the Taloned Tallywacker begins his column with prayer. Please bow your heads.

Great Falcon God on High, this otherwise truculent tweeter asks you to bless all the hypocrites, self-serving media personalities, and corrupt public officials across Maricopa County.

That's right, cast your powerful, protective wing over the likes of bigoted KTAR blowhard Darrell Ankarlo, his sainted master, County Attorney Candy Thomas, and Thomas' froglike lackey Barnett Lotstein. Give them the strength to continue their Three Stooges-esque shenanigans, like their last bit, in which Candy's office ponied up $11,500 in RICO cash to promote Ankarlo's brown-bashing bag o' bile Another Man's Sombrero.

Why, if this lowly lapwing didn't have this trio of polecats to pounce upon, all he'd have left to skewer would be Sheriff Joe Arpaio — who's long been a lost cause headed for Satan's hellfire.

Oh, and please bless the feathered fiend's fellow Fourth Estaters. For even as they greedily gobble up this gander's scoops as their own — such as the aforementioned book-tour imbroglio, or the MCSO Honduras scam, or the revelation of a domestic-violence claim against Arizona Senate hopeful Russell Pearce — they do thy bidding and (hopefully) help drive Sand Land's sinner politicians into oblivion.

Thy kingdom come, thy winged will be done, on Earth as in your Big Nest in Heaven.

A-men.

POLITICAL PAYOLA

Thanks for bearing with The Bird as he put in a word for the Bozos associated with the County Attorney's sponsorship of the Ankarlo book tour, which this sapsucker first wrote about in a previous column ("FM Welfare," July 24).

See, though KTAR news director Russ Hill and County Attorney flack Mike Scerbo (himself formerly KTAR's news director) weren't sharing any details back then, this persistent pelican knew there was something fishy about the online ads and on-air announcements to the effect that Ankarlo's local book-signing tour was being brought to the good citizens of Maricopa County by the County Attorney's Office.

This finch figured Candy was dipping into RICO funds to pay KTAR for the mentions and the use of the county attorney's official seal on bookmarks, and said so in the column after requesting public records on the transaction from the C.A.'s office.

Then, in a press conference preceding a League of Women Voters-sponsored debate between Democratic primary rivals and potential Thomas-challengers Tim Nelson and Gerald Richard, Nelson denounced Thomas' use of RICO funds to sponsor the Ankarlo book tour. The contender pointed out that the state statute governing RICO funds is very specific in its uses, whether it's for anti-drug, anti-gang or anti-racketeering purposes. There's nothing in state law or in the U.S. Department of Justice RICO guidelines about illegal immigration, which is what Ankarlo's book is all about.

"This is exactly the type of political posturing that has characterized the last four years under Mr. Thomas," Nelson told the few reporters in attendance, including The Bird's colleague Sarah Fenske, who wrote about the presser in New Times' Valley Fever blog ("Tim Nelson Takes On Andrew Thomas' RICO Spending," July 30). "What does promoting a political book have to do with public safety?"

Slithering nearby was Thomas' unctuous underling Lotstein, there to whisper in the ear of gullible journos and hand out a copy of the "contract" between the C.A.'s Office and KTAR, putting the sponsorship's price tag at $11,500.

Sure, that's less than the over $200K Candy shelled out for hundreds of thousands of crime-prevention books stuck in PHX dailies, the $128K he paid the director of his so-called public service announcements (the same guy does his campaign ads), or the $168K for church-based orgs to sell Christ to kids.

Still, like the Sheriff's Office's RICO-funded escapades in Honduras, the C.A.'s paying for a radio show host's book tour smacks of a payoff, or at the very least, the misuse of public funds.

"It doesn't pass the smell test," former County Attorney Rick Romley explained to The Bird. "It clearly appears that [Thomas] is trying to buy favor with the radio station and one of the talk-show hosts."

Indeed, Thomas' RICO money was very well spent on the Ankarlo book tour. During the very broadcast wherein Ankarlo rationalized KTAR taking the moolah, Ankarlo repeatedly slammed Nelson. Ankarlo then had Thomas on for an interview at which time he announced he was endorsing Candy's re-election bid.

"All I can say to you, Andrew Thomas, is I had not decided for whom to vote come November," said Ankarlo, puckering up. "You're a shoe-in. I'm not going to even look at the other guys. You keep doing what you're doing, and I'll help you get as many votes as you can."

Who knew Ankarlo's endorsement could be so cheaply owned? The scratch mentioned may not go directly into Darrell's wallet, but his book benefits from it, and if Ankarlo really believes in the free market and all that conservative claptrap, can't his book tour do without this talk-radio welfare?

Ankarlo seemed shell-shocked by the controversy, contradicting himself at turns. At one point he claimed he had nothing whatsoever to do with the entire transaction. At another, he seemed to leave himself wiggle-room on that front.

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11 comments
H3LLS@ng3L
H3LLS@ng3L

... wow ... Stoller is all over the map. People, don't believe everything you read. There is no conspiracy, no "goons" shredding or faking documents, nor purposely using wrong addresses on subpoenas. Someone (Coz) needs to find a new hobby; one that won't clog up the justice system and waste vital resources. Freedom of Speech is wonderful, until it tilts toward slander & liable.

Bill Stoller
Bill Stoller

Stephen and All,

The Bill Stoller cases clearly show that the City of Phoenix, Mayor Gordon at the helm in collusion with his wannabe "prosecuters," maliciously target their opponents for false arrest, prosecution, and imprisonment. This is a "Dark Ages" mentality.

Arpaio did it to the owner of New Times and others, Phoenix did it to Bill Stoller and others. Same tactics, different perpetrators. Solved by New Times by trashing the prosecution in Federal court, solved by Bill Stoller (and hopefully others) in Federal court the same way.

We eagerly await the chance to get videos and audio of a second desperate attempt by the Phoenix PD to pull off another false arrest! (( - : By the way, after clearance by the AZ Attorney General, we will be "charging back" on $1100 in bond paid by credit card to "Gordon's Goons" at the Phoenix Municipal Court. We're alleging they use "computer-generated" warrants to EXTORT money out of people who scare easier than Bill Stoller.

As Bill has alleged, they also send Summonses to fabricated addresses with no return receipts, then put out warrants when people don't make the court dates THEY NEVER KNEW ABOUT! We're seeking CRIMINAL PROSECUTION also. Keep you posted. We can document this to, unless they destroy or HAVE DESTROYED court records. ))-: We'll see.

Total damages remain at $100 million against Phoenix with defendants to be named: Phoenix Police Assistant Vicki Rollinger, Gang Unit Detective Maldonado, Community Action Officer Scott Mellander, Phoenix City Prosecuters Kevin Krietenstein, Paul Cruess, and Amy Offenberg.

Federal causes against these thugs include Title 42, 1982, 1985 regarding denial of equal protection under color of state law and conspiracy to deny equal protection (violate civil rights), and a Federal injunction to enjoin prosecutions and overturn pleas/convictions.

Targeting is wrong period, but give "Goober's Goons" some credit too! (( - :

Please investigate.

Sincerely,

/s/

Bill Stoller, et. al.

Coz
Coz

Perfect picture of Butt Boy Thomas, although it should be Arpaio standing behind him, or vice versa....

TRUTH08
TRUTH08

To: Mesa ResidentSubj; "Thanks"From TRUTH08

Mesa Resident Wrote:>>>"Joe has never backed down"

Uh???.............WRONG!!!! A few weeks ago, he "DID BACK DOWN", on the air, with a debate with the Mayor (Phil G), he also, BACKED DOWN with debate with Saban, recently. One more thing, you mention, the debacle in Mesa, You ARE ABSOLUTELY CORRECT!! That it was indeed..., and the Sheriff, "once again" BACKED DOWN FROM EVEN SHOWING UP THERE!! Good Point, "Mesa Resident", THANK YOU, for bringing that to our attention!!

Now, if you mean... he has "never backed down", from FLEECING OUR TAXES??? BINGO!!!!!!! You ARE CORRECT!! That..., he has never backed down from!! 43 Million and counting (it just never ends), lawsuit, after lawsuit, after lawsuit !! THANKS AGAIN, for pointing that out too!!

Much appreciated, bringing up all them points, Sheriff Joe..., HASN'T "backed down" from!! Oh, and THANKS....., one more time, for reminding us "FLEECED TAXPAYERS" why Bozo-Joe's got to go!!

REGARDS,TRUTH08

Tony
Tony

just wondering if nickel bag will be going after the fund-raising kids who sell cookies and such in front of grocery stores. do they need permits too??????????

Mesa resident
Mesa resident

AHHH! There it is. One minute it's gone the next minute it's back. What's up with that?

Mesa resident
Mesa resident

Where did my last comment go? It was here a couple of minutes ago.

Mesa Resident
Mesa Resident

What is a talloned talliwhacker? A dickhead with claws? Funny I responded to the article about Gascon wasting 130 officers on an MCSO sweep and now your talking about 30 MCSO officers wasting time and money. What a dickhead. There's a comment from someone about enforcing the border but hey, it would be nice if all of them just sat at the border waiting to get busted but now their infesting all of our communities. So someone has to do the dirty work and that is one thing Joe has never backed down from. Go Joe!

TRUTH08
TRUTH08

One more thing...., EXCELLENT CARTOON!! You should allow the public to copy and repost it!! I'm sure it would look NICE reposted on AnKKKarlo's Blogs!! Ha!! Maybe KTAR, will set up a Blog for Candy-Ass Thomas too.., now that they're in his back pocket!! Or..., in this "cartoons case", KISSING HIS ASS!!

REGARDS,TRUTH08

TRUTH08
TRUTH08

Good job on the article!! Excellent homework!! Keep it up, and keep us informed, Lemmons!!

REGARDS,TRUTH08

watchdog
watchdog

Stephen, great job putting all the pieces of the giant jigsaw puzzle together for the public to see. Can't wait to see what you dig up next! Keep up the great work -- the public will be forever grateful. It's time to clean house this election.

 
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