Catty Kathy

Kathy Griffin is the biggest bitch on the planet. Or not. She wants you to think so, then doesn’t, then most emphatically does. We’d call the comedian passive-aggressive, except there’s nothing passive about her. She’s a combat guerrilla with orange locks.

Look, we’re not much for standup comedy, but this “titian-haired spitfire,” as one anonymous scribe deliciously described her, makes even us true non-believers howl with delight, from her cameo in Pulp Fiction to her role as a nurse in an Eminem video to her Sally Weaver turn on Seinfeld to the true-life tale about shaking the right hands of Afghani men in her 2004 concert video Allegedly.

The star of Bravo’s smash My Life on the D-List makes others howl, too, but mostly not with delight. She dissed Jesus at the Emmys (the comment was satirical, but naturally misinterpreted by most), and is always sticking black-magic pins in her favorite A-list voodoo dolls, including her special pets Gwyneth Paltrow, Barbara Walters, and Lindsay Lohan.