Go to Hell

Christ on a crutch. This one’s scary. For all the wrong reasons.

There’s no separation of church and scare at the Final Destination III Haunted House. This guided walk-through depicts horrifying morality plays of sinning and eternal damnation, i.e. gay people worship Satan and abortions are a one-way ticket to Hades. These so-called "Hell Houses" are nationwide franchises preaching the literal translation of the Bible; this one runs 45 minutes and is 250 volunteers strong. The Web site says, "Final Destination III is not a traditional haunted house, but you will be . . . stripped of your emotions and challenged with pure reality fright, horror, tragedy and drama."

Great if you’re planning to vote McCain/Palin, but what about those who just want a good scare on Halloween without all the fire and brimstone? According to statistics provided on the site, last year’s tours produced 245 “criers,” one puker, 19 quitters, three fainters, and one unfortunate who “went fetal.” Uh, we’re not gonna touch that last one with a 10-foot pair of forceps.


Wed., Oct. 29, 7 p.m.-midnight; Thu., Oct. 30, 7 p.m.-midnight; Fri., Oct. 31, 6 p.m.-1 a.m., 2008
 
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Josh Harrison
Josh Harrison

Final Destination Haunted House is very misleading. They attract by posting counts of people vomiting or crying or leaving. They try and attract the haunt enthusiasts. I myself was sucked in to see what the hype was about with this attraction. To my shock it was a Hell House, depicting on ways you can go to hell. No where does their website or warnings at the front door tell you that this is a Church trying to �save you�. I was completely offended at the nature and content of this haunted attraction, not because it was scary (trust me it isn�t), but because this church is completely ignorant! I and boyfriend (Yes I�m gay) were harassed throughout the attraction by being pushed and one of the guides telling us how we are disgusting. I don�t appreciate being called a �faggot� or hearing 13 year olds using this derogatory slander at someone to depict a columbine school shooting. I also felt the abortion scene very inaccurate and completely disgusting, they also show you a video of aborted babies. Why in the hell would you even allow your church to do something like this or parents even allow their children to partake in such a crude demoralizing behavior? Haunted enthusiasts beware of this �Haunted Attraction� its just another culturally insensitive church trying to put their beliefs into your head to try and �save� you in the end.

 
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