The Bird Claws at State Democrats and Likens the GOP's SCA-gate to the Granddaddy of Political Scandals


A bucket of warm spit. That's the phrase Franklin D. Roosevelt's veep, John Nance "Cactus Jack" Garner once famously coined to describe the institution of the vice presidency. He actually called it "a bucket of warm piss," but the G-rated version is more familiar to most.

The phrase applies equally, in The Bird's mind, to the Arizona Democratic Party, which proved itself on Election Day to be just as worthless a saliva bucket as the office of the vice presidency, albeit on a local level.

Danny Hellman
Who's ya daddy? Watergate "plumber" G. Gordon Liddy.
Who's ya daddy? Watergate "plumber" G. Gordon Liddy.

This mockingbird spews this insult not at the candidates who busted their hind ends to challenge local GOPers for races statewide, but rather the Arizona Democratic Party, run by chairman Don Bivens and executive director Maria Weeg.

Because in a year when Democrats elected an African-American to the presidency and change broke out in unlikely places like North Carolina — where Democrat Kay Hagan trounced U.S. Senator Elizabeth Dole, or New Hampshire, where Dem Jeanne Shaheen did likewise to Republican lizard-man and U.S. Senator John Sununu — Sand Land Dems blew it, big-time.

Yeah, sure, Dems held onto the congressional seats won in 2006 by Harry Mitchell and Gabby Giffords, and picked up one with Democrat Ann Kirkpatrick's win over Republican Sydney Hay for indicted Congressman "Slick" Rick Renzi's vacated seat.

But until about 8:30 on election night at the Wyndham Hotel in downtown Phoenix, where Dems traditionally watch the returns, Bivens and his fellow Donkey Kongs were talking up a dust storm about how Dems had a million registered voters and were probably gonna take the state House, maybe even the state Senate. Hell, it's the same line they'd been feeding their followers since the beginning of the year, touting their fat, million-dollar fundraising advantage over an impoverished state GOP.

Yet, even Barack Obama's victory speech that night couldn't obscure the obvious to this avian, who was on hand at the Wyndham to observe the debacle. Local Dems were big losers. They didn't pick up seats in the Legislature, they lost seats, and both state House and Senate remain firmly in GOP control. Worse even, as Governor Janet Napolitano will likely be skipping off to D.C. to somehow serve the Obama administration, Republican Secretary of State Jan Brewer would then become guv.

Granted, Nappy has been a sheepish chief executive during her tenure, but occasionally, she's vetoed some of the more deranged bills that right-wing wackjobs like Russell Pearce (formerly a state rep, now a state senator) have tried to turn into law. Once the doorknob smacks her fanny on the way out, the stopgap of her under-used veto will no longer be in place.

In Maricopa County, the situation is darker. On par with the Black Hole of Calcutta. Or the Fourth Avenue Jail. Take your pick.

The Bird refers to the fact that Mr. Civil Rights Abuse himself, Joe Arpaio, was re-elected to a fifth term. Joe's unctuous, Harvard-educated ally, County Attorney Andrew Thomas, has likewise been returned to power. And with a Republican super-majority retained on the Maricopa County Board of Supervisors, where sole Dem Mary Rose Wilcox struggles on as the loyal opposition, the state's most populous county remains firmly in the grip of reactionary forces.

To go geek on ya, it's as if, during the initial Star Wars flick, the rebels never destroyed the Death Star, and Darth Vader never went careening off into space. In Maricopa County, Republican rule is absolute, and your rights as a U.S. citizen are not worth much more than a drop in the aforementioned saliva bucket.

Just don't tell that to Emily DeRose, the state party flack whom executive director Weeg had answer this talon-bearer's questions rather than answer them her own damn self. The Bird can't blame Weeg for hiding behind her lieutenant. After all, Weeg's got a job to save. Her own.

"We did win big, statewide," the Pollyanna-ish DeRose informed this avian. "We took a majority of the statewide races that were on the ballot. And we took a majority of the congressional races. So it's certainly — while not a night of all good things — was really a night for us to celebrate."

Yep, you heard her right, Bird-lovers. DeRose said "celebrate." As for the "majority of the statewide races," she means two out of the three seats on the Arizona Corporation Commission on the line.

The third's still in play, as this wren writes, between Dem Sam George and Republican Bob Stump. As for the congressional spots, the Dems have five to the GOP's three. But our U.S. Senate seats remain Republican, as neither was up for grabs.

"I think we did a really phenomenal job," enthused DeRose. Um, but what about not taking the state House, or the losses here in Maricopa County?

"Our ground game was absolutely tremendously powerful," DeRose said of the Dems strategy, adding, "But at the end of the day, we were just not able to overcome the registration gap."

DeRose was referring to the gap between registered Republicans and Dems. Statewide, it's considerable but not insurmountable: about 1 million Dems to 1.18 million GOPers. Considering that there are more than 800,000 Independents statewide, the Dems' failures at the polls are even more severe, despite all the Prozac-laced Kool-Aid DeRose seems to have been guzzling.

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plumbing pleasanton

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Arizona is pretty conservative after all they have MARAPOSA COUNTY and SHERIFF JOE ARPIO which we need more of


It's about time someone remembered the good old "Sheriff's Command Association" (SCA) other than myself. But will Terry Goddard have the courage to pursue it? I am bitter about this! While the local media barely covered it and the Dem's made some noise-they all seem to think it was OK since Arpaio won and they gave back the money. I guess we are supposed to believe that 105K is sitting in a PO Box in Mesa and thats all we need to know about it. As Arpaio would say while wagging his finger " None of your business!" Arpaio's official doner list was filled with contributions from employees of MCSO. When is the last time employees making 40,000/year line up to fork over 390 dollar contributions? Joel Fox received a nice promotion last election for working on Arpaio's campaign in 2004, but no one wants to touch this? Follow the money!

William Crum
William Crum

Attention All Voters of AZ:I am really wondering whether or not the Democratic Party wanted to be in charge of AZ. It is so much easier to blame the other party for all the problems but I blame you registered party membership for not pushing the issues. Well, you can't get that right so how about doing something positive for this state: help the AZ Green Party get back on the ballot for 2010. You think you lack money for all your candidates; all we want is to be able to just get on the ballot. You want to join the party; that is fine also. Welcome to the party who believe in civil rights for all people.


It seems to me that if you believe your presidential candidate isn't going to win because they're the "home town" boy, then wouldn't a prudent strategy be to help those who do have a chance? Why wouldn't you use resources to build the home team bench and prepare candidates for future elections? Democrats have lost every time they've used this single-minded approach.

Who knows if they'll ever learn.


Heh, Heh, G. Gordan, wasn't it those mousey types that exposed you and the other participants in the Watergate affair? And didn't you, unappreciated hero to your own psychopathic mind, then spend a number of years in the federal penitentiary in partial atonement for those crimes thanks to those same journalist weenies? Looks to me and the vast majority of Americans that they are the true heroes in your twisted saga of warped patriotism gone completely bad. You pathetic example of a man really have nothing to teach anyone except to avoid lunatics posing as patriots!

Emil Pulsifer
Emil Pulsifer

Well, G. Gordon does live in Scottsdale (or did, the last time I checked). Once, I even saw baldilocks driving through the parking lot at Biltmore Shopping Plaza. Whoopee.

So I guess, theoretically, it could be him. The "can of hash" reference is roughly consistent with someone of both his generation and his temperament.

Speaking of which, having read "Will" many years ago, and having heard a little of his AM Radio rants (in much the same vein) since then, it seems odd to me that "G. Gordon" should grouse about "the bile of discontent". This from someone who seems to have developed a bitter hatred of everyone and everything aside from J. Edgar Hoover, Tricky Dick Nixon, John McCain, and (now it is revealed) Uncle Joe Arpaio. Kind of like a crazy pit-bull frothing at the mouth most of the time, but turning all warm and fuzzy whenever his owner (the Alpha Male) walks into the room.

Now -- typical psycho -- he's regurgitating those talks with the prison chaplin he received in the spare moments when he wasn't distilling pure nicotine (for use as a poison) from a box of cigars, or fuming about how his plan to kill Jack Anderson petered out -- like all his grandiose schemes, except the one he landed in prison for, and that one was just a failure. (Wasn't it, "Superklutz"?) Seems he's a bit of a wackjob. According to his bio, he spent his childhood admiring the speeches of Adolph Hitler and castigating himself for cowardice; and then one day he felt something go "snap" in his head, and a sensation like warm treacle dripping over his brain. Right about then was when he began holding his hand over open candle flames. Ever since then, he's been a one-man pit-bull, for the right Alpha Male. Arf, arf, baby! What an oddball. No wonder talk radio is the only place he's ever fit in.

Now, if the signature is to be believed, he's up at 1 in the morning posting smack about The Bird. Yeah, that geezer's "in the game" alright. Probably Russian Roulette. I'll bet he gets insomnia over all those lost years in the slammer, and sits in front of the mirror interrogating himself by way of castigation.




You mousey news types that just love to hide behind your desks and your first amendments and your fat bellys have such a grand ol' time talkin trash about everybody else. You even got your little boobs following you around chanting your praises and demanding that "something be done".

But you're a sidelines kinda guy. A story-teller. A witness. A puny little wannabe important attention whore who stays at work all night because it's just too depressing to go back to your run down studio apartment and watch reruns of old cartoons while eating your last can of hash.

If you only had the guts, or the brains, or even just the motivation to get into the game you probably wouldn't hate so much.

But you go right on choking on the bile of discontent. You go right on blaming everyone else for your pitiful life. People like you will never win a fight because you don't know how. You don't even have what it takes to learn.

You go right on publishing lies about me and other great Americans like Joe Arpaio. There is no punishment for you that could be worse than letting you live your rotten life.


david saint
david saint

well here it is AG Goddard, a big, early christmas present nice and wrapped for you and everything!!! lets see you do the right thing and prosecute this as it should be, and not say you cant becuase of a conflict of interest about an investigation that arpaio doesnt even have jurisdiction to do in the first place!!

Emil Pulsifer
Emil Pulsifer

Dear Mr. Lemons,

Thank you for pointing out the fact that the Arizona Democratic Party leadership is composed of feculent weenies. My theory is that Myrtle the Turtle has them p-whipped.

Meanwhile, here is some timely information on card-check unionization which the Arizona Republic will never report. And, I daresay, likely not the New Times under the stewardship of Mr. Lacey. (My gracious heavens -- I'm being FORCED to join a union, at the risk of earning an average of $200 a week more than my non-unionized counterparts, according to Labor Department statistics.)

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