Dwarf Stars

It's nothing like our plushie fetish, but short guys really turn our crank. That's why our eagle eye settled on Trash City’s Midget Jackass affair at Club Mardi Gras on Wednesday, November 26, when Puppet the Psycho Dwarf and Little Kato, both sub-4-foot-9, perform as the Halfpint Jerk Offs.

Mr. Puppet's skillz range from standup to rapping, and he hardly flinches when strangers shoot industrial-size stapler cartridges at his testicles. Additionally, he offers up his hind quarters for “midget darts” and freely chugs whatever revolting liquid concoction will get the biggest gross-out from the audience.

We know. It’s all too good to be true. Honestly, though, Little Kato is the sex machine we want warming up our lap. While he’s sweet and tender inside, he’s got a notorious knack for violently old-school wrestle-mania, flipping off the audience, screaming until his veins pop, and generally wreaking bloody havoc. Imagine if your physical anomaly was defined by a folkloric cultural tradition stemming from 11th century Norse mythology. Yes, with magical powers and a mean sword come great responsibility.