The Dirty on Nik Richie, Post-it Note Ninjas, and SCA-Gate — All Within This Owl’s Talons

HOO' DA MAN?

Okay, this naughty nightingale will come clean with you bird brains. Once in a long while, this wily woodpecker has reason to check out the trashy offerings on that wacky Web site TheDirty.com. Like, say, the pics of erstwhile Cards starting QB Matt Leinart helping a hottie with her beer bong, or those decade-old snaps of Billy Idol in his prime getting pleasured by three nekkid wenches.

The site's maestro, Hooman Karamian, better known to the masses by his nom de Web, Nik Richie, is always receiving tons of photos of half-clothed babes, asking Da Hoo-Man whether he'd do 'em. Ron Jeremy's job in his heyday is about the only gig that compares with what Karamian's got going for himself. Since starting his site by documenting Scottsdale's snotty young party animals and ragging on them, his operation's gone global, with Dirty sites in cities worldwide, from Ibiza to San Jose.

The Dirty's Hooman Karamian, a.k.a. Nik Richie, in his DUI mug shot from earlier this year.
Courtesy of Scottsdale Police Department
The Dirty's Hooman Karamian, a.k.a. Nik Richie, in his DUI mug shot from earlier this year.

So The Bird was a little surprised to be contacted recently by flack Roxanne Romero of the mega-firm 5W PR, pitching a story about a made-up controversy involving a student at U of A who, along with her boyfriend, had dressed up for Halloween as an airplane (her) attacking one of the Twin Towers (him). After looking at the pics, which seemed silly at worst, this heron couldn't see what all the hubbub was about. Fake outrage over some 9/11 costume at a private Halloween party? Puh-lease.

Only later did this dodo learn that the only publicity 5W PR, which claims such clients as Starbucks, LifeStyles Condoms, Benny Hinn Ministries, and Ice Cube, had been able to find for this lame tale was on the radio show of local bigot Darrell Ankarlo. No wonder Romero jumped at the chance to have Karamian chat with this chirper. She was hoping for another easy placement for this dumbass non-news story.

On the horn, Karamian tried to get all moral with this mockingbird, insisting he was deeply offended by the homemade 9/11 outfit, which is why he and his site were dogging the gal in question, named on The Dirty as Nicole Cassese.

"I think they're disgusting," Da Hoo-Man said of the costumes, adding, "Lives were lost, and I think to make fun of something like that, it's really bad."

Karamian stated that wearing this costume was worse even than dressing up as Adolf Hitler. Even though under Hitler, the Nazis murdered about 6 million Jews. Also during WWII, about 20 million Russians and hundreds of thousands of Americans died fighting fascism. Karamian argued that 9/11 and the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan were "not something that happened 60 years ago, or whatever" but something that happened in "modern times." Which made it more offensive.

Never mind the irony of some guy who peddles pics of nightlife denizens barfing, shedding their clothes, taking dumps, etc. being outraged by anything he sees. You might as well try to shock Howard Stern, for Chrissakes.

Plus, it's a little creepy how violent the anonymous, dillweed posters to Karamian's site are in reference to the girl dressed as the 9/11 airplane. Cassese, who U of A says is no longer a student at the school, has been repeatedly threatened by posters to The Dirty. One Internet tough guy, who calls himself "the man," opines, "Someone should just run her over with a car to put her out of her misery."

Or there's the "Spurs Fan," who suggests, "Somebody torch this girl's car, with her in it." Seems like a pretty harsh punishment for wearing an un-PC Halloween outfit.

"The premise of the Web site is for people to be held accountable for their actions," Karamian stated, later adding, "If The Dirty wasn't around, people would be just going on like nothing ever happened."

Holding Karamian accountable for his actions, well, that's a whole 'nother game o' pinochle. For instance, The Bird wanted to know about Karamian's attempt to join the ranks of the Fourth Estate by posting names of alleged johns in the Scottsdale Desert Divas prostitution ring. Back on September 8, Karamian published a few names of prominent individuals in the Valley who'd supposedly received the Eliot Spitzer treatment from these ladies of the evening.

But within hours, Karamian jerked the names down, following the complaints of those accused. Asked whether he'd made a mistake in posting the names of presumably innocent men in this context, Karamian expressed no remorse, stating his belief that these men were all guilty. Well, save for one, who had the same name as his son; "Junior" was the guy Karamian really meant to out.

"I posted just a couple of people that I just really don't care for because they don't have the greatest reputations," he explained. Karamian remained vague on why he had to take the names down if his source was accurate.

"I never claimed myself to be an investigative reporter, if that's what you're asking," he confessed.

Things really got tense when The Bird asked Karamian whether he'd ever done business as Corbin Grimes. According to the Better Business Bureau, Grimes was the CEO of Capitol Imaging Group. And according to Maricopa County Superior Court documents, Hooman Karamian was "doing business as" Corbin Grimes.

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3 comments
NIkRichieIsaTard
NIkRichieIsaTard

Now we know Hooman reads the New Times. Or tries to read it. All the big words hurt his brain. Here's a translation for you, Nik: YOURE A BIG PHONY. Oh, and your site sucks too.

Feathered WTF?
Feathered WTF?

Is this byline your real name? I couldn't get through the first four graphs of your story. What are you saying? You're a terrible writer. Of course, I have a hangover but still . . .

Tony
Tony

In response to the SCA Investigation please remember this poem written by Dan Saban:

Twas the night before election, and all through the countyThe sabanites scurried to shore up their bounty.

With the race all but over, and the kleenex all usedThere's nothing much left but to buy some booze.

The whole staff piled in to the smart car all painted,but one glance at the fuel gauge and poor Dan fainted.

"I was weak as a child", Saban explained,"besides I've a plan, so hop on my train!"

One last stop to fill up, Saban shouted with glee,as he charged one last tank to the campaign finance-ee.

Off to the wal mart for some mad dog 20-20,it was all they had, after buying protests aplenty.

With a buzz and a headache, the crew turned in for the nightDreams of firings, and pay backs, and fame felt so right.But the sun did come up, much too fast for our heroBecause in the real world, he's still just a zero.

"I was wronged, outspent, felonies were committed!"But sadly the truth is that he was outwitted.

Recall! came the shouts from his staff of two,But alas, no one signs against Arpaio, oh poo.

With nothing left to do but relive the wasted weeks,Dan said "lets get our towels so we can trade peeks!"

Some cheer returned as they formed in a circleThat Dan, you know, is one super good jerkle!

 
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