Breast Friends

Uh, excuse us for a just a sec, but as the beyond-buxom breasts of one Candye Kane, the former porn star turned blueswoman, we'd like a word with you. We're certain we've got your attention, due to the fact that your lecherous peepers have been riveted to us since our songstress mistress took the stage, crooning out jump-and-jivin' rockabilly, raunchy R&B, and tortured torch songs about men who've done her wrong. Although this voluptuous vixen won't mind you taking a peek at her famous 40GG-size babies -- especially since we've been whipped out in such '80s skin flicks as Between My Breasts 3, within the pages of Hustler, and have even been used to bang on the piano at some shows -- don't make it so damned obvious. And despite the fact our massively mammaried mama has repeatedly visited your burg during her seemingly endless touring schedule, that doesn't mean she's reconsidered your offer of a torrid fivesome with you, the missus, and, of course, us. Don't be such a boob -- just enjoy the show.
Sat., Dec. 13, 8 p.m., 2008