"Respectful of the sheriff?" blurted this blackbird, with a grin. "Why, The Bird always gives the sheriff the respect he deserves."
Within the sheriff's guarded perimeter, this feathered fiend tried to hold back the sarcasm, but when Joe started blathering on about how he really wanted to solve all these murders in the desert, and how "every life is precious," even if it belongs to a Mexican national executed behind a saguaro, The Bird felt as if his head was going to explode. So he asked the aged law dog why he'd been spending so much time pimping his retarded new reality show Smile . . . You're Under Arrest during a recent appearance on Late Night with Conan O'Brien. You know, instead of hunting for killers.
courtesy of MCSO
Ciria Lopez-Pacheco, torn from her two children during Arpaio's latest sweep.
courtesy of Dennis Gilman
One of the masked MSCO deputies who claimed to be "undercover," while riding in a marked car.
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"The New Times wants to know why I went to the Conan O'Brien show," Arpaio announced. "I will tell you one thing [turning to The Bird], thank you for all the help with you having your people calling New York to try to boycott me appearing on the show . . . The protesters seem to be following me around every day, thanks to the New Times. There were a few protesters in New York. [And], by the way, [the show] paid for everything. I didn't pay a penny."
Arpaio was referring to a Feathered Bastard blog post, which announced the sheriff's appearance on the program, and asked ticked-off citizens to call NBC and do their impersonation of the Howard Beale character from the classic flick Network. You know, the guy who says, "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore!"
Apparently, it worked. O'Brien at least tried asking Joe a couple of serious questions, and ended up calling Arpaio's pilot for the Fox Reality show "a sign of the apocalypse." O'Brien noted that Arpaio had drawn the protesters at Rockefeller Center, where O'Brien's show is taped. And as you can see from Joe's comment above, the sheriff gives full credit to New Times for spoiling his big day on national TV.
Anytime, Joe.
At another point, as other journos seemed to overlook the obvious issue of racial profiling, The Bird hollered, "So do you plan to arrest any white people today, Joe?"
Arpaio looked back at The Bird cockeyed, a weird smile on his puss, pausing before gesturing to a black guy in cuffs nearby.
"I hate to tell ya — and ruin your day — I think we just arrested an African-American right over here."
"Yeah," screeched this mockingbird, "but that's not white, Joe. Don't you know the difference?"
Joe and The Bird's fellow Fourth Estaters fell into nonplussed silence. Only a nearby cameraman laughed out loud.
When Arpaio kept repeating his "every life is precious" line, this magpie inquired if the lives of his inmates were precious, too, like that of the recently murdered Robert Cotton, beaten to death in an Aryan Brotherhood hit. Or Juan Mendoza Farias, who may well have been asphyxiated by Joe's detention officers. To such queries, which The Bird offered up more than once, our corrupt top constable wouldn't comment.
After the press conference broke up, Joe held court with a few lingering reporters. Up close and personal, The Bird asked Arpaio if by expressing concern for the lives of Mexican nationals — and being sworn in recently by Jose Bello, a new American citizen and the father of two MCSO employees — the sheriff was attempting to rehabilitate his image with the Hispanic community.
At first, Arpaio said he didn't have to answer the question, considering its source. Then, reporter Valeria Fernandez of La Voz urged the sheriff to respond. Arpaio then, putting a hand on The Bird's wing, professed that he likes this avian.
As to the question. "I just got re-elected," he said. "If I had wanted to rehabilitate myself, I would have done it two or three months ago, before the election."
"But, Joe, folks tell us you're running for governor," quacked this mallard.
"I could've been governor . . ." he pshawed.
"You still could," snarked The Bird. "After all, you're still a spry 76."
Yikes, the governor's race is less than two years away, and what the hell else does Grandpa Munster have to do with his time? Solve murders?